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is it good to seperate a mother and daughter if the mother is a bad influence?

Here is the thing. About six months back my Husband and I got into contact with his 7 year old daughter after not being able to see her for a while. We now have her every weekend and are trying to get her more often. In getting to know Kaylin we have also started seeing a side to her mother that is just horrible and we really don't think that she is a good person for Kaylin to be around at such a young and impressionable age. Her Mother will stay out all night at the bar, she had 3 kids, no job and refuses to get one. she lives with her father, sleep in one room with her 3 kids. she doesn't get up to help her 5 year old son and Kaylin to get ready for school and 99.9% of the time they don't even get to eat breakfast! Would it be bad at this point for Jeff (my Husband) and I to slowly try and ween Kaylin off her mom by having her over more and more durring the week and take full custody?

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KateInTheSurf

Asked by KateInTheSurf at 11:58 AM on Jan. 6, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (22)
  • It sounds like neglect. I wouldn't try to wean her off of her mother. I'd go to court and try to get custody outright. Who knows what else is going on that she hasn't told you about.
    Rebecca7708

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 12:02 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Ask SD if she'd like to spend more time with you. After knowing you all for only 6 months, it could be pretty traumatic for her for you to push for custody so soon. Start slowly.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:03 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Agreed, that poor child/children deserve better.
    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 12:04 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Well thats easier said then done. Getting full custody is very difficult with the best proof. He would have to get a lawyer and explain why he wasnt around so many years etc and why now suddenly he has a problem with her mom. Courts are funny that way. I think you have a good case but make sure you document everything you can and get a decent lawyer.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • what about the other kids, why just her?
    cloud144

    Answer by cloud144 at 12:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • First you should talk to her. But it may not come out the way you want cause she may feel she is abandoning brothers and sisters. If she does want to and you feel it is the best thing then get a lawyer and tell them you want to file for emergency temp custody. Which means you will have to state reasons for it at a later court date and yes they will want to know why such a long time without contact. If you can prove that she isn't getting breakfast among the other things you said it should be no problem to get her full custody. cont...
    lovinmomto3

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 12:17 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • But understand, she will still get to see her mom. Whether you like it or not, she is still her mom. It will take her a long time to get adjusted to new life to so take it easy on her with the rules and such don't spring em on all at once. Or she will feel worse than she started out. I have been through all of this so if you need some advice holler at me. I know all kinds of ways to do things. Good luck!
    lovinmomto3

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 12:18 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Wow some people should just NOT have children!!! I think you need to get her for neglect. None of those babies deserve that. She refuses to work ARGHHH I HATE women that are like that. Living off the state making people who work for their money pay for their lazy asses. They need to learn to keep their legs shut and get a JOB!!! There are women out there who legitametly need the states help, and cannot work. Women like your Hubbys ex give them ALL a bad name. It's sad really.
    happyathomemum

    Answer by happyathomemum at 12:19 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • the reason we are not going for custody of Kaylins brother and sister is because they have a different father. Though we would like to get them out of that situation just as much as Kaylin, we have no right to them. The reason my Husband was out of her life for so long was pure immaturity on his part. He is now trying to be the father he needs to be and Kaylin loves him. She loves being with the both of us and complains when she is do home. Do you think that maybe because Jeff was out of her life for so long because of the immaturity that it will make things hard of gainging full custody?
    KateInTheSurf

    Answer by KateInTheSurf at 12:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Im wondering why you all are just now involved in this childs life? Not judging just wondering. Are you being honest with determining the mothers abilities or is this a judgement being made because you all have decided the child should live with you. I think YOUR husband should have a sit down talk with the mother and if he is paying child support (if hs is not paying then he has ono rights as far as IM concerned) tell her what he expects with his daughters care and if mother cannot comply with the basic physical and emotional needs of his child that he will take action. YOu all need to remember that whatever steps you take are going to affect this little girl. She is your main concern. So do whatever you do with that in mind.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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