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He cheated...

I just found out my husband cheated on me when i was pregnant 3 years ago...and now he has to go take a test to see if he fatherd the sluts (sorry im mad) baby. Im so crushed about this..we have two kids together and we have been married for 4 years and together for 5. Ive been crying alot about this and he keeps getting mad at me for bringing her up and he tells me i need to just drop it. I dont know if i can get over this...we have been through alot but this is by far the biggest... Im so sad..i have no friends or family to talk with and im really trying to keep my relationship together... any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (32)
  • Oh my gosh. I have absolutely no advice, just wanted to say that I am so sorry you have to go through this, and I really think your husband should be handling it better. By telling you to get over it, he is really not showing you any respect at all. I think if he truley felt remorse, he would be making you feel better about it, not just yelling at you to get over it.
    hopingfor5

    Answer by hopingfor5 at 1:56 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I'm sorry you have to go through this. Can you find a therapist in your area to help? You should try to do individual and couples counseling. And your husband is completely wrong. You shouldn't just drop it and move on. He's got a lot of trust to rebuild, and talking with you(and taking all the screaming and yelling you dish out) about it is one of the steps toward that.

    Odds are he feels bad and that's why he doesn't want to talk, but it's not about him anymore. He made his choices, now he has to live with the concequences.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 1:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • on the website www.cheaters.com they have online counselors you can use. I used them once and she gave me good advice and gave me alot of copeing skills for dealing with my husband's infidility.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Start by not blaming her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • seriously, anonymous poster is going to offer one piece of advice, and it is to not blame the other woman? that is crap.
    hopingfor5

    Answer by hopingfor5 at 2:24 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • "Start by not blaming her"

    WHAT?! LOL Yeah right. Whatever. Sounds like you were the other slut in some married a-holes life at one time.

    She is 50% of the blame that this affair happened and if she got didn't protect herself knowing this man was married then even more so. She is a slut with a bastard child as they say. Poor kid. What a life of being born from an affair. What type of morals will that slut teach it. She has none for herself to show this child to begin with!

    He needs to get a dna test, because if he doesn't she will now try to take him for what he's worth for a huge mistake that he has made. I hope he has learned his lesson and tell him to stop telling you to drop it. It was ok for him to drop his pants back then but now you have to drop the fact? If he's sincere of being sorry then he shouldnt tell you to drop it. He needs to help you deal with this 100%. Or get the hell out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • This is obviously a personal decision...some people can get over their spouses cheating on them...I am not one of those people....In my opinion I would find a divorce attorney....

    I'm sorry you're going through this. That's heartbreaking!! :( I'm here if you want to talk. Therapy is definitely a great idea.

    Good luck. E-mail me anytime.
    lrobles1983

    Answer by lrobles1983 at 2:33 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • IF U LOVE HIM BE THERE FOR HIM EVEN IF HE DOSE FATHER THAT BABY JUST KNOW THAT HE IN YOUR BAD EVER NIGTH AND HE TELLS U HE LOVE U AND YOUR BABYS (I'M HERE FOR U IF U NEED A FRIEND)EMAIL ME BACK
    ISSACMOMMY

    Answer by ISSACMOMMY at 2:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • That sucks.Maybe you should talk to someone else about it more than him.I mean if you have something to say to him about it to him, do it.But if you talked to someone else, you would feel better and know what you should do.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 2:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • bull crap "dont blame her" thats crap! it takes two to tango. i went through he same thing with my husband. we have been together 9yrs and married for 6yrs. when i was pregnant with our last son he cheated on me and i didnt get the truth about it for 2 yrs later. just because two yrs have passed dosent make it any easier. we have seen a marriage councelor over this. and im happy to say today we are past the ruff parts and very happily married still. my biggest problem was trying to figure out how to really forgive him. Our marriage councelor said " have you ever had to ask somebody to forgive you? i thought long and hard and came to the conclusion he really was sorry and i had to forgive him if it was ever going to work. if you know he loves you and made a horrible mistake then yes you should try to forgive. as long as it doesnt become a pattern. i belive theres a difference between a mistake and an affair!
    clasemomma

    Answer by clasemomma at 2:59 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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