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Should I stay with him?

I have a question that has been nagging on my mind for some time. I have been married for 6 years, we have children together, my husband is fantastic. He goes out of his way to do things for me, hes sweet, he provides for us, hes a fantastic person.... I just don't love him. I have known this for some time, we got married young and quickly and I have known for a while that getting married wasn't the right choice, but now what? Do I really have anything to complain about? I'm not getting beat, we get along, hes so good to me and our kids, but do I live a life without love?Where I'm not sexually attracted to him? (Although, he is attractive) What do I do? Will I even find anyone better? Have I seen too many chick flicks? Or will i live alone and regret leaving the man in my life who did whatever he could to make me happy? He doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love him

I am at a huge loss here...i need help.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • You need to go to counseling first, together and seperately. Have some alone time do things you like to do and reflecting time. Then have "dates" find the reason you were attracted together in the first place. Then if that doesn't work, you need to both decide its over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Counsiling first then decide if you should leave or not because really the grass isn't always greener and it sounds like you have a pretty good guy which is SOOOOOO hard to come by

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:53 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I think you should consider seeing a therapist/counselor. Does he know you feel this way? Are you spending alot of time together or have you grown apart? Maybe spending time together and having "date nights" will help you re-discover your feelings for him. I hope things work out for you.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:59 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Well im maddly in love with my SO and he really isnt great to me and the kids and he really doesnt take care of us like he should but hey the love is there and it makes it hard to walk away!! You on the other hand have a man who is good to you takes care of you and the kids and you dont love him..... being in my position I WOULD LEARN TO LOVE HIM!! try things like going on dates and getting to know him all over again you might be suprised... try to get over the whole "i dont love him thing" You could leave him and find the love of your life but you could also leave him and find an asshole and regret what you did.... its not easy finding someone like you have!! You could end up alone or again with someone not so great.... i would think about your kids and what it could do to them... im not saying settle but maybe try to love your husband it sounds like whats best but thats just my opinion!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Were you ever in love with him? If so then its something you can work on. Your not always going to be head over heels in love with your husband. I would try counseling before spiting up the family. Good luck.

    Answer by Farrahann at 3:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I understand how you feel.I've been thru this in my marriage too.I've stuck it out for our son's happiness.I love my husband FOR our son.Not romantically.But maybe that is normal and all those movies are wrong.

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:08 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Its me, the OP again... I think I was infatuated when we got married, excited about being married but not in love with him. I have been telling myself this whole time that I will learn to love him, I just don't know how. I think counseling would help.... I dont want to just give up, but I think it would be nice if I felt love in my life, before I start trying to find it elsewhere, you know?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I've been where you are too only I acted on it in the worst way. I cheated to have the best of both worlds. When he found out, he was devestated but understood (he knew I wasn't in love with him when we got married) and forgave me and I did it again, and even again and finally he had enough and told me to pack my things and move out and he was keeping our child. I realized that I did love him, that I'd never find anyone who loved me as much as he does, that it hurt to even think about being without him. Continued...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Lucky for me, while I was packing he was thinking and he said that he was going to give me another chance but that it would be the last. Since that day I've not forgotten how I felt when I thought I'd lost him. I am so very lucky and it's been years since that happened and I'm falling more and more in love with him every day. My suggestion is to work on the marriage, to talk to him about how you're feeling and work together because it could be so much worse than what it is and I know you know that. In my case I'd been raped, molested and used and my self worth was zero, I didn't think I deserved him, that I was a person that couldn't be loved, that shouldn't be and I couldn't afford councelling, so I read a lot of self help books and I'm a different person now. I'm proud to be his wife, and thankful that he still loves me and now I'm emotionally able to be the woman he needed me to be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I'd try talking to your hubby, then councelling if you can afford it (even if it's online) and work on the marriage. So many women out there that love someone that treats them horribly. If you have friendship with the man, you have something to start with. We incorporated a lot of casual touching in our relationship and it's helped us a lot.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:26 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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