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Long distance...

Can anyone give me some advice on how to make a long distance relationship work? I want to be sure we are going to work before I just up and move! He is affraid that being long distance we won't work and wants me to move to see how it goes. What do you think?? Any advice about long distance will be helpful! thank you :)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You have to be EXTREMELY trusting and commited to the relationship. If either one of you isn't totally into it, it won't work.

    I was stationed in MD for 3 months for military training while my dh was at home taking care of our dd in IOWA.

    Needless to say, communication is KEY. Be sure to talk with him at least on the phone every day.

    Both of you invest in a webcam and talk on the phone while IMing on msn messenger or yahoo, it really helped me when I was missing my DD and I got to see her on the webcam!

    Try watching movies together on the phone - both get the same movie, and start it at the same time. It's silly and romantic and cheesy but we both loved it!

    Hope that helps, mama.

    weezer_cookie

    Answer by weezer_cookie at 3:28 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • The first year we dated, my husband and I started out as a semi long distance relationship...we were about 350 miles apart. We spoke on the phone EVERYDAY...even if it was just for 5 minutes to "say hi" or to talk for hours if there was something important to discuss. We sent emails, cards, notes, etc. for all of the important occasions and "just because" (It's nice to know when someone is thinking of you), and we visited each other at least twice a month--drivable distance, or met at a halfway point! We vacationed together--long weekends and week long adventures to places we loved, doing things that interested BOTH of us.

    The key is to establish open lines of communication, be available, address concerns, express your feelings (good or bad), don't rush things, be honest, be trusting, and do not come across as controlling/manipulative or jealous. BE FRIENDS FIRST and see how it goes.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 3:30 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • When my fiance and I were long distance we ran up very high telephone bills. These days with computers and the video cameras on the computers you can see and talk to each other often. Get together whenever you can arrange it,- holidays for example. We did it. It was painful, I missed him terribly, but we did it for a year. And write letters, Long letters. :)
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • How about he moves to where you are?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • DO NOT MOVE unless you know you would want to live there without him. The last thing you'd want is to get there and break up and be alone in a new place.

    Follow Brnat's advise posted above and if you still want each other after a pre-designated time, then go for it! Don't give up your life at home until you are BOTH ready for it.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 3:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • My answer is follow your heart.  There are NO guarantees in relationships, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.  Remember the Shakespeare quote "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".


    I met my husband while I was vacationing in England (I lived in Canada at the time).  I fell head over heels for him and was kicking myself all the way back home for falling for a man that I would never see again.  Well we ended up writing to each other constantly, spoke on the phone and he flew to Canada to visit with me.  Ten months after meeting him, I was on a plane back to England permanently.  We were married less than two years later.


    We have now been very happily married for 20 years, have two beautiful daughters (born in England) and we are now living in Canada.


    It is up to you whether you think he is worth the risk.  Good luck!

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 3:51 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else about communication being so important. But, what I want to say is that in truth, you will never really know for sure if it is going to work until you are in that day to day relationship where you live in the same town, see each other regularly, etc. Sharing stories of your lives at the end of the day over the phone or on the computer are nice, but it doesn't give you that same info as if you were there with him to see what kind of temper he has when he loses a game, what he's like after a bad day at work (b/c more than likely, there will be something of a happy face put on for your conversations, by both of you), etc. I definitely agree with companygoddess to be sure you'd want to live where he is alone before you move. Just always be honest, communicate as much as possible, and alternate trips to see each other as much as possible.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • If he's from the internet forget it. Ask yourself if he's such a good catch why hasn't someone there caught him? What is he hiding?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Don't knock meeting someone on the internet...that's how I met my husband! LOL!
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 8:18 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I don't really have anything to add as far as advice....the input I already read seems pretty on target. I know that the long-distance thing is a challenge. I have not seen my son's father since the night we conceived. In our case, it's not by choice that we are currently long-distance; instead it's an immigration issue. We have the additional challenges of a language barrier and only sporadic contact...since he doesn't have a phone or internet. I know that with those challenges (and even without such challenges), there's no way to know if our marriage will work....but whether or not our relationship works (although I hope it does), at least if we can get him back in the USA he'll be able to be an active father for our son, who deserves to have both parents around if at all possible.

    Whatever you decide to do, try to be realistic. I hope that you make a decision that ends up being a good one for you....good luck.
    printerr

    Answer by printerr at 12:12 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

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