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Should I make my daughter stay in band at school?

My 6th grade daughter has played in the school band for almost 2 years. She is very good at it, she is first chair. She doesn't practice as often as she should be, but is naturally good at it. THE THING IS, SHE SAYS SHE HATES IT. I hate to see her quit something she is good at, and I wish my mom would have pushed me to do more things like that. Also, I know that music is a part of a well rounded education, but I feel like I should not make her stay in it if she's miserable. Any opinions?


Asked by hw1977 at 5:00 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 6 (141 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Allow her to make her own choices when it comes to personal interests.

    My daughter danced for 10 years and was so beautiful at it! She even had an audition lined up for a summer at Juliard with 25 students, but she turned it down and told me not to bother signing her up for the fall classes. I was so heartbroken and crying thinking that she just turned down a dream and threw it all away!
    Turns out that all she wanted to do was to meet her goal of eventually becoming good enough to dance on pointe and becoming the best and be done with it. She really didn't want to go beyond that goal.
    Her dream has always been, and still is, to become a chef. She has already told us that she is joining the Navy upon graduation so that her college will be paid for and she will get to travel the world while learning her passion of becoming a chef.
    Kids just have to follow their hearts and we just have to let them.

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 7:39 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I wouldn't make her if she hates. Help her find some other interest.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I'd let her quit if there was something else she was interested in and as long as she didn't hate it because there was something else going on like someone picking on her or something

    Answer by Allysmom11 at 5:06 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • If she doesn't like it I would let her quit. I'm sure she has a love for music and by forcing her to stay in she might than reject music alltogether

    Answer by happyathomemum at 5:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • if it is something she doesn't like i wouldn't force her to do daughter started playing the flute one year and was getting good at it but halfway through the year she decided she didn't like it. i did make her finish the year out only becuz her teacher help us get a flute and all the stuff she needed and i felt obligated to finish the year. but i would never push them to do something they didn't like

    Answer by jodi205 at 5:13 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • We have always told our son that if he starts something he has to finish out the season, we made an exception when he hated lacrosse we let him go to the coach and ask if it would hurt the team if he left with the understanding that if coach said they really needed him he had to stick out his commitment. BTW 2 years later he went back to lacrosse for 1 full season but then decided to commit full time to hockey year round.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:02 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I would let her make her own decisions. I would tell her that she has made the commitment for this year so she should finish the year out. After this year I would let her decide what she wants to do. Next year offer her band again and if she says no then don't sign her up for it.

    You want her to enjoy playing and being in the band and if you push her now then she may never go back to it. I know that when we were kids we all swam. My brother hated it and after 1 season he quit, that was when he was 7. Years later when he was in high school he went back to swimming and swam all through high school and college.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:45 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I would say have her finish out the school year and not get involved in it next year! She should not be forced to do something she does not like, however, she should not quit something she started either.

    Answer by mypoohbear at 9:28 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Tell her to finish out the year, and if she still doesn't like it then she can stay out of it when the new school year starts. Tell her you understand her feelings, but she is not the only one in the school band and other kids are counting on her. Just like in sports, everyone needs to work as a team. Explain to her that she will just have to tough it out for the rest of the school year, and she won't have to sign up again after that if she doesn't want to. You should stress the importance of team work in other situations so she gets the idea, and explain how it's not fair to the other team members if one person quits. Every person in the team/group/band is an important part and they all count on one another to make their team/group/band great. And tell her next year she shouldn't sign up or join something unless she intends to follow through.


    Answer by MomOfJandM at 9:36 PM on Jan. 6, 2009