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How to handle suspected abuse

My ex has been displaying some really erratic behaviors which have significantly increased over the last few months. I have NEVER EVER done anything to keep him away from our son or damage their relationship. I really don't trust him with our son anymore and I don't know what to do. He was emotionally abusive to me and still tries to be. I consulted with a private investigator but they want to do this lengthly "sting" operation that would probably cost me more money than I have. My son is my most valuable gift and I would do anything for him, to make sure he's safe. All I want is to make sure he's safe with his father and he's too young to tell me if anything's wrong. I considered putting a recorder in his stuff, but I found out that's a felony in our state. It's rediculous! I don't care what my ex does in his personal life, I just don't want him harming our son. I would love some suggestions.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (12)
  • if your that worried i would find the money to hire the investigator. if you don't find out and there is something going on this could damage your son and you'll be sorry in the long run good luck

    Answer by jodi205 at 5:10 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I think you are doing the right thing!!!! I wish more people would think like you do.

    Answer by Paty_hotmommy at 5:11 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • You can have a recorder in your place. Does he ever watch the baby at your house? I'd still use a camera at his place. What is he gonna do press charges for you catching him being abusive? At least you'll know. Is there any way you can convince him to talk to a therapist.

    Answer by Farrahann at 5:15 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Thats a really tough question to answer. The recorder in your son's things was a good idea but you don't want to get yourself in trouble if he ever finds the recorder. I don't think my son's dad is abusive but he is a little irresponsible and because he's stationed in Ft. Polk Louisianna and I'm here in Jacksonville Florida my son doesn't get to see his dad a lot so when Sam comes home he doesn't really know what to do with our son or how to discipline him. So just to make sure everything is okay I just go over unannounced. I'm sure you have the right to go check up on your son whenever you want. Especially if you suspect abuse.

    Answer by nikkisangel at 5:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Anonymously call the police when your ex has your son, they can go check on the well being of the child and you could've just been some neighbor that heard yelling or something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I'd contact the police, CPS, and your lawyer to see what they have to say. I'm sure they can advise you on the best course of action.

    Answer by twinclubmom at 7:36 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • how old is your son? i would definitely talk to a professional or a lawyer and get some direction. if his behavior is getting worse it may be from drug use, even if you think you know them so well dont put anything past them. if that is a possibility then i would just cut him off until he deals with his anger and rehab

    go with your gut, you are very smart to at least realize something isnt right. some people are SO oblivious and never even notice a bump here and bruise there. look for the warning signs and protect your son

    Answer by learae at 8:09 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • For now, I'd claim your son is sick, and request that visits take place at your house..

    As for a long term solution to this- go with all of the previous advice.. Talk to a social worker.. Possibly contact a lawyer..

    Even keep a diary - ( is a great online diary site).. If you track your sons progress, achievements, moods, etc.. You'll have something to reference if you spot anything "off".. You may even be able to spot a pattern emerging, which could coincide with visits.. It would be great proof down the road IF something is amiss. If not, well then you have something special to read back on years down the road. :-)

    Answer by Liyoness at 9:15 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • tell the judge how you feel about his erratic behaviors.. that is what I am doing on friday. I am also asking for a psyc. eval for him also.. it doesn't hurt especially if you are worried about your sons safety.
    good luck

    Answer by noah_n_mommy07 at 10:41 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Do you see any signs of abuse on your child? Be sure to check him over for bruising, etc. before and after visits for documentaion. Call your local department of human resources and ask for an investigation. They may be able to seek drug testing if the erratic behavior could possibly be from drugs. Make sure to be very specific with actual behaviors you have seen and keep documentation. Also, seek advice from an attorney. The cost will be well worth it. Good luck!

    Answer by Lisahi at 11:34 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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