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Any ideas on how to increase your sex drive.

I am 40ish and have no sex drive whatsoever. Are there any pills, herbs, vitamins that help? I haven't had sex with my hubby in months and I have no desire. Sometimes, I want the kids to sleep with me just so I don't have to say No, again. It's like I cringe when he touches me. We have been married for over 20 yr.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • WOW!!! We are just alike. I also lost my sex drive and have my kids sleep with me so I don't have to do anything with Hubby. I would like answers myself. Good Subject!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Firt, talk to your Dr. At 'our age' hormones can get all whacky and cause problems like this. Make sure it's not something that would need medical intervention before you start trying herbs and such. If it's not physical they won't help and you'll just get more frustrated.

    After 20yrs, are you just bored? Sex becoming routine kills my desire quicker than anything. Talking with my dh and getting him to change things up helps with that.

    Answer by desert_diva at 2:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • #- if you have a TV in the bedroom GET RID OF IT! :) Seriously, that is the #1 sex drive destroyer- :) A sex therapist once told me that- it will be hard, but DO IT! Also make a date night, even if it is just once a month, then do twice a month, ect- get to KNOW your hubby again!Try to remember WHY you married him wy you fell in love with him. I have to do this myself already and I am 30 with only 1 kiddo :) Be romantic- ask yourself in the morning, what can I do for him today to make his day better- and TRULY mean it-- sure he may not do the same thing at first, but you have to give a little to get a little :) This will NOT happen overnight, butit will happen :) If all else fails, just get a big bottle of Vodka, a bag of oysters, kick out the kids and talk :) heheh (kidding almost about the last part- but it has workd for me)

    Answer by jessicasea at 2:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I'd go to the doctor and get my hormones checked. Mine were out of whack and she's trying to work to get them back in line but that takes too much time and I needed to get my "want to" back before my guy left me! I read about DHEA and started taking it. It came in 25 mg capsules but most articles I have read says take only 5 (FIVE) mg twice a day. I put mine in my tea. I just open the capsule and sprinkle out what I believe is 5 mg. (dividing the contents into 5 portions of 5 mg). So far it's helped. I'm not jumping his bones yet but I'm receptive to his advances. That's an improvement. There is something called Ashawaghanda (sp?) that I'm going to try as well. I figure it can't hurt to get a good jump start on a perfectly good batter that just lost it's juice!

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Irk! That should say 'make sure it's something that would need medical...' Doesn't make much sense the way I typed it in my other post, does it???

    Answer by desert_diva at 2:44 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • After being on the birth control pill for years it killed my sex drive. When I had my hormones tested at the doctor had practically didn't have any testosterone which is where your sex drive comes from. My doctor prescribed Etratest which comes in a pill form and I take it once a day(when I remember) and it works great. The only pure form of testosterone come in a cream and has to make at a compounding pharmacy. I didn't like that method because you have to rub it in somewhere on your body to absorb it. The pills are much better.

    Answer by Busymom2293 at 3:06 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Birth control DOES kill your sex drive. I have had a big libido problem too. Go see your doctor first. But i gotta let you in on a little secret. You need to feel sexy about yourself. I started taking a pole dancing fitness class and I have never felt sexier! It makes me want to come home and just f*** his brains out! When you feel good about yourself, the sexy will just ooze out of you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • That's one reason I like being married to an older man! LOL! By the time I go through all that crap he will be too old to care! LOL!!! J/K

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I am so glad you posted this. I was about to post as ? just like this one. My DH only wants it if I want it and I never want it. I say do you want to do it, hoping he'll say no b/c I don't want to, but I am worried he'll stary. He always reassures me he would never stray, but he wants me to want it... uggghh

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • WELL I just had a baby & am having the very same problem. I asked a question about this exact same thing & people said to do the one date night a week thing, just say yes sometimes & you will begin to like it, try different positons/tricks, be really nice to him so he will be sweet to you..maybe making you want to have sex again! Hope this helps :) I'm way young & have this exact it could be worse haha

    Answer by CaydensMama505 at 11:47 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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