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How can I form a closer bond with my baby girl?

My youngest of four just turned 1 in Nov. She was my first and only premie. My body was apparently in no condition to house another baby so soon after my third. That combined with utter depression, stress, poor eating habits, etc. resulted in her being nearly a whole trimester premature. She was in NICU for two months before we brought her home. So she was my only baby to not be breastfed directly. I rented an electric pump, delivered fresh milk for her daily, and by the time she came home she was on some enriched premie formula recommended by her doctor. I barely held her at first. She was like this huge inconvience to me. A burden. The 4th who wasn't meant to be. This last year I've felt sad, uncomfortable,and even akward when I try to sit and hold her. The sound of her crying rubs my nerves raw!  She makes me so tense. But she's so innocent. I feel so guilty and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • PPD is right. go to your doctor and s/he will probably prescribe some medication. don't think of this as you being "crazy," like people tend to do. if you want a good relationship with your daughter, it's needed. also, you need to be relaxed to take care of ALL of your children good. do you get any time to yourself? have the hubby or someone else you trust watch the kids around 3 times a week or so for a couple of hours. get some YOU time in. go to the spa, the mall, your favorite hangout, or just go to a friend's and chill. it's vital that you have time to be you instead of just 'mom'. and don't worry, getting away from the kids now and again doesn't make you a bad parent.
    MommyToJessica

    Answer by MommyToJessica at 11:03 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I would go talk to your doctor about how your feeling.  Maybe you have postpartum depression and there is help.  Have someone help you with your baby girl so you can get some needed rest.  I have twins and what I do is nap with them.  I read them stories and the three of us nap.  To me it's relaxing and were bonding.  I also take my twins to the park I chit chat with other moms and my boys play.  Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 6:27 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Sounds like PPD. I would definately seek some counseling and help. I had PPD with my 4th baby and told my doctor and they gave me antidepressants. Within a month or so I was back to my old self and felt fine.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I agree with the pp's. Get to your doctor ASAP.
    sammygrl77

    Answer by sammygrl77 at 6:42 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Yes...please speak with your doctor.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:50 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • If you feel that way think of how your baby feels. I think you should talk to a doctor and also work daily, hourly to love her and not treat her like a mistake. She is a beautiful gift from God and she came to you and your family for a reason. She probably even came early for a reason, while it was extremely hard on you think of how hard it was for her.
    julipickle

    Answer by julipickle at 6:57 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I think you have postpartum depression. A friend of mine who had a hard pregnancy and delivered a premature baby went through the same thing. Please, get help and begin the bonding experience with your baby. It is still early enough to make up for what bonding you were unable to do before. Doctors see this all the time, it is nothing to feel ashamed of or avoid talking about.
    MommyJanelle

    Answer by MommyJanelle at 7:01 PM on Jan. 6, 2009