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Husband still distant after being back 6 months

Husband was gone almost two yrs in the middle east,has been back now 6 months. We have two kids been married 20 years he hardly shows me any affection, no hugs, kisses or I love you, unless I initiate, I just don't know what happened to my best friend but I'm at the point where I may aswell get divorced I feel like I am on my own anyway, why doesn't he talk about our marriage has problems. Anyone else relate, he says he never cheated while being gone but I just don't know him anyone.

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landstar1268

Asked by landstar1268 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2011 in Military

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I know a lot of couples going through this right now. When your husband went to the middle east i am sure it changed him and his perspective on life. It can be very hard seeing and doing the things they have to do. I know a soldier who had to shoot a child that was around his own son's age. He came back and has a really hard time even looking at his son, cause of what he did, even though it was self defense. He believes he doesn't deserve his son or family. Mentally war is really hard on a man. Try getting him into counseling to talk about you two and just to let him vent. Im sure he has a lot of things on his mind that he is afraid to tell anyone. You just being there for him is the best thing you can do. Show him all of the affection that you can, and he will come around sooner or later. Im sorry to hear that you are going through this, and i wish you the best of luck.
    mom2lyl

    Answer by mom2lyl at 10:42 PM on Nov. 1, 2011

  • See if you can get him seen for PTSD or Combat something or other. Combat stress.....? Bah I don't remember now. It's another kind of disorder that combat veterans are now coming home with. It's NOT shell shock or battle fatigue, it's something else and I can NOT, for the life of me remember what it is.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 10:53 PM on Nov. 1, 2011

  • He was gone to war for 2 years, that is very hard on a person, physically and mentally. He has seen things that you can only imagine. I would see if he would go see a military counselor because it sounds a lot like PTSD, which I wouldn't doubt since he was gone for so long. Try to be there for him and help him through, it is hard adjusting back into a normal lifestyle over here, even when you have only been gone for 6 months, but after 2 years that is the life he knows, so it is going to take more than 6 months to get back into the swing of things. I hope you are able to work through everything.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 11:09 PM on Nov. 1, 2011

  • Thank u to those who responded, even though he was gone two yrs, he was not placed directly on harms way but was stationed in an area that did not see first hand the effects of the war, I do know he did have a very stressful job, so it's difficult for ms to understand the way he is towards me, when he looks at me, he stares right thru me, it makesy heart, and after being gone two yrs he is still not stationed with us, he commutes on weekends as he had a IA tour for the next year, I'm sure deep down he still loves me, but his actions towards me stay different. I have asked him so many times to talk it thru, and he refuses to accept we have problems..
    Landstar101

    Answer by Landstar101 at 8:21 AM on Nov. 2, 2011

  • There is a HUGE stigma in the military about getting help for mental issues. I know the Army could care less about your personal life, as long as you can still fulfill your mission.

    It was Sept 2001. The shit had just hit the fan and I was already in the dog house with my unit. I could do nothing right. I was stressed and depressed. It got to the point that I was eating 3 meals a week, if you want to call 5 bites of food eating. I dropped from a size 10 to a size 6 in about 6 weeks or less. No one noticed I was having problems except a friend who drove me around town for 3 hours trying to get me to laugh. HE went to HIS unit and told them I was ready to commit suicide. At the same time he was doing that, I was talking to my Chaplain to get help for myself.

    I remember one of the shrinks at the hospital. The jerk kept asking me if I was going to kill myself or anyone else, like he wished I'd just get it over with already. Cont
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:18 PM on Nov. 2, 2011

  • He was very insensitive and provocative. I was female, low ranked, and did not appear to be worth his time. It was VERY humiliating.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:19 PM on Nov. 2, 2011

  • Will he try marriage counseling? If he trys marriage counseling see if it will help before taken measures leading into the D word. I wish the best for your family & best wishes. if you need to talk just send me a message, xoxo.
    mommytobeeeee

    Answer by mommytobeeeee at 7:29 PM on Nov. 7, 2011

  • Please be there for him...hugs...I know this is hard...my kids dad came back very much the same...it is as if he left a part of himself there and sent his shell home.
    SFerber

    Answer by SFerber at 2:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2011

  • go talk to the Chaplin, he can help out. they also might have marriage retreats coming up that can be highly recommended. thats for army.. not sure other branches.
    NaiveDream

    Answer by NaiveDream at 7:01 PM on Feb. 11, 2012

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