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Yea, I nag, so what?

So when I finally blow up in a b!tch fest about all the things my husband is doing wrong he feels like he's being attacked and has nothing to say...what does that silence mean...that he's hurt? That I'm right and he feels ashamed? Is this one of those things where one can't admit when they're wrong?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Mine does that too. I chalk it up to he knows he's wrong and he doesn't want to talk about it because then he'll have to admit to being wrong. But it pisses me off! LOL!
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:21 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • He could be just letting you vent or he's tuning you out because you let things build to such and extreme that your anger and tone are overwhelming and make him feel you're being unreasonable -- or that there will be no pleasing you so why bother. If something is really bothering you, I will make a humble suggestion, to come back to it when you calm down... tell him you want to talk. Not bitch. Figure out why you're upset, explain to him why it hurts or upsets you... like - "When you don't call that you're going to be late, I start to worry something has happened. I also feel like you don't respect my time because I am looking forward to a break from the kids when you get home. I end up angry and hurt."
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 10:24 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Then LET HIM TALK. Ask him, "Can you see why I would feel that way?" or another open question that urges him to talk it out. Learn to talk to each other - communication is so important to being happy for BOTH of you. Good luck! :)
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 10:24 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • the problem with that is I do talk to him nicely and constantly remind and ask him when you're not busy yada yada, but the nicely doesn't work...only when I blow up he sees how serious I was the whole time. Like our 2nd bathroom was supposed to be done 5 years ago when we moved in...its still not usable...haven't I been patient enough with it??

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • ahhhh girl the age-old problem. I think most of us have it. I know I do and it makes me crazy!!! I will say to him "I don't want to nag you so please do it and I will not have to bring it up again". Sometimes that works, most of the time it doesn't.

    Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 10:35 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I do understand, we've all been there. If you flat out ask him why it hasn't been done - what does he say? Have you offered that maybe you guys should just save up and hire someone else to do it if he's not going to have the time? Tell him you're tired of seeing it there.. tired of being mad at him every time you see it undone. Honestly, if you can do it yourself.. I probably would. And if you do things of his.. like laundry ;) I would leave those undone. "Too busy working on the bathroom honey!" I never claimed I was innocent!
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 10:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I'm with ya there, only I'm a lot further than 5 years waiting but I learned to not wait on him to do things for me. I get a book, go online, follow directions etc and do it myself. I've taken our garbage disposal ourt and installed a new one, hooked up the electrical wires and installed it, I've moved old and brought in new stove and other appliances, put up sheetrock, insullation, lots of painting, fixed several leaks and even laid carpet and tile in my house. I got tired of waiting and you know, it's paid off pretty good for me, he comes home and I'm not griping about this or that, and I'm happy cause the job is done and I didn't have to yell at anyone :) And it makes you feel really good to accomplish something yourself and know you don't HAVE to have them to do things for you but it sure does make it easier (when you're pissed off you can lift some pretty heavy things but I don't recommend it from experience)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:41 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • My husband doesn't admit to his problems or when he does something wrong, I'm lucky if I get a sorry....we will talk though. Ask him how he would like you to address issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I finally found a solution ..I say OK..this is as long as I am going to wait this time...then I give him a deal breaker date letting him know I'm not asking again...because that date will be the day that I call someone who will charge him out the butt to fix that or I tell him I'll fix it what he can do for free. No fighting, no "threatening" because he knows I mean what I say. The next best thing is that I'll do it myself! He knows I mean that too...he came home one time to find that there was no bathroom wall...I was tired of waiting. Another time it was the living room carpet...magically disappeared to reveal beautiful hardwood floors underneath. I did this on the day I knew the city was doing a bulk trash pickup..so it was not on the curb for him t
    SuZQ55

    Answer by SuZQ55 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • You know my hubby is a grown man, he isn't my sixth child. He's a truck driver so what needs to be fixed around here I do it and if I can't fix it I'll let him know. Usually if he doesn't know how to fix something I end up calling someone who does know how and pay for it. I'm not gonna nag him to do anything period ! Nagging doesn't help because they tune it out. My motto is if you want something done you gotta do it yourself or pay someone to do it for you. Ask him once and if it still doesn't get done call someone or do it yourself.
    Angie32Red

    Answer by Angie32Red at 11:38 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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