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i have a friend who wants a baby so bad!

It took me 18mths to get prego! and when i did i found out my girl friend has been trying for 6 years. She has done 3 round of IUI and i know she would would make a wonderful mother and provide a loving home. however, she doesnt think she can get pregnant, the dr are telling her if she did she prob wouldnt carry to term and the baby may have major med issues. She wants to adopt but the waiting lists are like years long for an American baby. She wouldnt mind going over seas but the restrictions are out of this world. Do you have any suggestions i can tell her? I have offered to be a carrier for her,but IDK if she will do it. What do you think or do you knw anyone pregnant that is looking for a loving family? Thanks in advance!

 
babymaddy

Asked by babymaddy at 11:20 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Adoption

Level 12 (888 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Surrogacy was the first thing that came to my mind when reading about her situation. If er eggs are viable, but she just isn't able to concieve or carry, a surrogate is a great way to have a child that is biologically hers. It is expensive, but there isn't the red tape associated with adoption. I would broach the subject of being a surrogate again with her, and if she isn't willing to go that route, the best thing you can do is be a good friend to her as she continues to struggle and possibly go through the long process of adoption.
    Danielle720

    Answer by Danielle720 at 11:28 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • I am a foster mom and I intend to adopt one day. If you foster to adopt you don't have that waiting list and the process is MUCH less expensive.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 11:24 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • Yep,, my dad and step mom are in the foster to adopt program. They are getting kids >4 whose parents rights have already been terminated. The process to adopt is pretty much free and paid for by the state except for small court costs! And those can be reimbursed (tax credit) the yr after finalization.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 11:29 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • My biggest suggestion is that she do further research on the idea of adoption. There is not a waiting list of "years" for an American baby. I still have yet to figure out where people get that. We did our adoption through a very reputable agency. Our homestudy was approved in September 2005 and we were matched with DD's BMom in January 2006...only 4 months...not YEARS.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:54 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

  • FOSTER/ADOPT!!!!!!
    adoptivemommy24

    Answer by adoptivemommy24 at 12:07 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • She should check out the long list of waiting children. If she adopts a child waiting in foster care there is no cost. She could do it the foster route, but that risks having to send the child home. If she can set aside the notion of having a "baby that looks like her" that most people seem to have and love a waiting child, she could have a family before she knows it. We will soon have adopted 11 children ranging in age from 2 to 11 at the time they came home. Each of them is special, wonderful, and my life wouldn't be complete without them. I also have a bio child and there is no difference in how much I love them from how much I love him. Tell her to consider it and she'll never regret building her family through adoption.
    mommy9

    Answer by mommy9 at 8:34 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • All the options have their pros and cons. Kids from foster care quite often have major behaviorial issues and babies are hard to get. (We tried for an older kid from the foster system for 3 yrs. They said we were being to picky because we asked for one that wouldn't pose a significant threat to our then 8-yr old daughter.) Internat'l is expensive and the wait for a perfect baby is long. However, the kids on the spec needs lists are often there for very minor things. Our son had a REPAIRED cleft palate/lip. Took 10 months from start to finish to get him from China. He was a few weeks shy of his 5th birthday. Very healthy (physically and emotionally) and very smart.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 4:58 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • He will require 2 more surgeries. And lots of braces. Medical insurances will cover nearly all of it.
    By adopting interracially we avoid the awful question of when to tell him that he is adopted. It's pretty obvious.
    More importantly, we expand our family in amazing ways. By educating him on his culture, we are educating ourselves. And our family in no longer of German heritage. Now we are a German-Chinese family. It changes all of us. He makes us more. We honor all of our heritages more. It deepens our sense of what family is. He has made us more of a family, because he has made us look more carefully at what family and heritage mean. I hope that makes sense.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 5:07 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I waited only three months to be matched with a healthy newborn. ANYONE can be. PM me if you want. But when I say ANYONE what I mean is those who are willing to adopt transracially. The waiting lists for private domestic white children are long. The waiting list for biracial, African-American, or a high risk/special needs child is shorter. On average the organization I used links perspective families to a expectant birthfamily in a couple of months and the usually a child is brought home, on average, within 6 months. So it can be done. For more details you can PM me as I already posted.  But there are important things perspective parents would have to be prepared and understand about transracial adoption.  It is not for everyone.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 5:13 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I remember my struggle with infertility. I eventually quit going to friends baby showers. It just hurt too much. Your friend is probably struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I hated that I wasn't capable of doing the most basic biological function--procreating. I felt somehow, less than human. A REAL woman can reproduce. I was something less. That was very hard to overcome. Now I look at my kids, 1 fertility drug miracle and 1 adoption miracle and feel like my life is so much richer because of how my babies came to be mine. My struggle gave me an appreciation of what amazing miracles they really are. But it was so hard to get to this point. Be there for your friend. Let her vent all those frustration to you. She needs that as much as she needs to be a mother.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 5:14 PM on Jan. 7, 2009