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Is it selfish?

I am unhappy in my marriage. My dh and i don't communicate, never have. I've tried he just blows everything off. I mean we talk about stupid everyday things that yu could talk to a complete stranger about and that's it. This has led me to not be interested in sex with him. He gets mad that i don't want sex and throws tantrums. I told him tonight that i'm not happy and that i just don't feel like myself anymore and as soon as i said that there was no more talk, not even asking me why or helping me to figure out what's wrong. I want out of my marriage, but i frst don't know what steps to take, and i feel like it's selfish to divorce just because i'm not happy.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Have you been to counseling yet? It could help
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Are there children involved? If so, you owe it to them to try EVERYTHING you can do to fix your marriage, their family, before you call it quits for your own happiness. JMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • oh no NO you are NOT SELFISH for wanting to be happy. What about counselling, see if he'll go to that and even if he doesn't you'll know you did try everything. I'm not divorced but I'm where you are. too. I've looked at different lawyers websites and lots of them give info on line. The costs per lawyer are different I know, so is the retainment fee. I urge you to try counselling at least for yourself befoe giving up, feeling better about yourself and him in a more confident way could help you make a decision about what to do easier.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I know he won't do counceling, he won't even talk to me about anything. I'm not sure counceling could help anyway. I don't loove him, and i'm not sure i ever have ( i was young and stupid ) I can't be at home with him for an hour at a time without being repulsed by him. I love to kiss, the connection you get... with him, i can't even stand to kiss him anymore. I think i've grown to resent him for pushing me to stay.. ( i tried to leave him before we were married )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • ok so some people would say work it out for the children how ever i dont at all feel that way to me if you feel you have made attempts to communicate and he refuses i dont think he will agree to conseling and you say you have NEVER communicated the way you should. I dont think you need anyone telling you what to do here, you know better then anyone here if you have done all you can do and clearly he isnt putting you or your feelings before his own, why should yo put his first? sweetie for once put yourself first and get out, you can't be the best mom you can be when you are 1 being held back by a poor relationship, 2 unhappy, 3 have "lost" yourself. do you want to set the example for your kids that you stay where you are unhappy? i do feel many people walk away without even trying because they think its to hard but when you have tried everything you can think of what else are you suppose to do JMO
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:40 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Well he might not be happy either, i just got out of a relationship where he wouldn't talk to me at all, and he would admit it. I would see him chat with other people willinly, but not me, so i don't think you're selfish you deserve to be happy and he needs to realize that.
    Edanap1988

    Answer by Edanap1988 at 12:44 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • no, your not being selfish... it's sounds like you have been trying. I would see if you could try counseling first... if that doesn't work, then a period of separation might help you both clear your heads to figure out what you both want out of your marriage. If you decide that it's not going to work, staying with your DH, then the final steps would be a divorce... however this situation ends up, I wish you the best of luck.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:29 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Maybe you should read the 5 Love Languages because it sounds like you're speaking different languages. I find it hard to believe that you and your husband have "never communicated" because there would be no level of intimacy there. It's pretty common for men to not be as expressive about their feelings as we are, and you should be a little more understanding that that is his nature. Nagging him about it is only going to make things worse
    MicahsMom612

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 9:27 AM on Jan. 7, 2009

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