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How do I cope with 2 terrible stepkids (17-yo SD and 14-yo SS) even after 1 1/2 years of living with them?

I have a wonderful man who is working so hard at trying to make this blended family work. I also have 2 wonderful daughters (12 and 8) and 2 of my own). The step kids mother left them and moved out of state 5 years ago for a sugar daddy but they are still so loyal to her and just plain rude and mean to my kids and I. Its mostly the SD, but she is a bad ifluence on the SS. She will graduate from HS in May. I would like us all to get along, but the SD just refuses to be nice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (3)
  • Tell your husband to set some ground rules. Like first all of ....respect...your SD needs to respect you and all the family members.

    Answer by Dannee at 12:56 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Sometimes it takes putting all the kids on the same "level" - they are kids, you and DH are adults. When this comes from DH, it is more powerful. The other thought that comes to mind, however, is that most 17 year olds are struggling with moving into early adulthood even without the terrible pain of being abandoned by their mother. Watch for how she shows love to your DH and SS and try to show love often in that way towards her. If you can do it in secret and expect nothing back, but just continue to love her and treat her the same as the other kids, you may eventually win her heart. She's really going to need you in the years to come, so you are setting the pace for the future.

    Answer by TeaAnderson at 1:25 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I think she is jealous. Her mom took off and left her and her brother. You are there with her dad. She is probably mad at her mom for leaving. She is watching you love them all. you are there and her mom is not. Try to spend some time with her just the 2 of you and talk. Let her know you are not trying to be her mom. That she has a mom. Let her know that this is you and your DH's house and there are rules. She needs to respect you if she wants you to respect her. Just like the other mom posted, she is going to need you in the years to come. Give her time, it isn't going to change overnight, but she will see it. hopefully soon.

    Answer by Angela_1974 at 8:54 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

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