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Feeling lonley, in messy relationship and confused, is it time to move on?

My husband and I filed for divorce in November, and I moved back to my home state accross the country before Christmas. He came to visit for the holidays, we have a one year old boy that I have full custody of. I know he wants to reconsile but I am not sure anymore, there was alot of serious (illegal activites, cheating, lies, etc) things he did wrong that make me feel we can't be married but maybe maintain a casual relationship. I don't want my son to be exposed to a half-way good relationship. He should get to learn from a real man, even if it has to be other than his father, how to love and respect a woman and my ex can't do that. He was very emotionally abusive and manipulative and I think maybe he is just trying to keep me on a leash. I know there is something better out there, why is it so hard to totally leave this man?!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Because we are woman and we think and feel differently then men do.......I would keep on truckin girl and have a casual relationship if you want,,, you probably will anyway since you all have a baby together,,,,Good luck,,,, Been there, know that....... Hugs

    Answer by katandtysmom at 2:01 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Its hard to move on period even if you hate someone I think its hard to move on because people get used to one thing and adjust to it, I think you should just keep moving forward because really your ex doesn't sound like a winner to me, but if you do decide to work things out get some counsiling first then decide

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:21 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Mama tell him to kick rocks...and Iknow to do so takes great strength and commitemnt and you are toally capapbel of both. We keep this hope alive that someday something might work because as women we HAVE to fix it..I think it has somethig to do with our chemical make up lol. There are so many wonderful men out there that would love to have you and your son as their family and will help you to raise your boy to be a compassionate, loving and respectful young man. BE STRONG. Commit to a friendship with your soon to be ex and agree to be civil to eachother in matters involving your child. Laying out the rules now will make for a solid foundation when dealing with him as your son gets older. Make a list of what you need from him and let him know what he needs to provide for his child. He does not have to be an active part of your life to be actively involved in your sons.

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 2:27 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Trust in the decision you made to get a divorce. With the problems you listed I think you made the right decision. Moving on sucks but it is worth it. I think sometimes it is more difficult if there are some unresolved issues and change itself is just hard no matter what, even if it is the right thing to do.

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 2:57 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I agree with everything everyone said here. I am from a similar situation, only I was not married. I lived with my ex, we had a baby, and there was a lot of stuff going on. He drank, did drugs, smoked, cheated on me (especially when I was preg.), and lied to me constantly. He kicked me out when I was almost 6 months pregnant and moved another woman into the house the same night he kicked me out. He even slept with her on the couch the night he kicked me out. He was very controlling, and manipulative. It took me until the baby was several weeks old to get up the nerve to leave him. I went back after 3 days. Things got worse after I went back. I finally left him for good in October '08.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • (cont'd)

    I never looked back. I am so glad I am out of that relationship, because my son deserves to be raised by a man. Just keep on lookin forward, girl. Things will get better, and easier the more time goes on. Trust me, there are still nights I lay awake thinking about my ex, but I have moved on! You just keep remembering that you are better off without him and that your son is better off without him too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • You know what you need to do. In your heart of hearts you know he is not what you need. Keep moving on. There is a wonderful life after him. Your own happiness is and your own self value are so worth it.

    Answer by MorgansWesley at 3:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • There's a reason why you decided to divorce this man and to not subject your child to his behavior...everytime you feel the need to pull his way, think back on what caused you to leave him in the first place...its hard not to go back but anything worth obtaining that's good for you and your child is worth the fight...honey, start kicking and screaming to get away!!!

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:24 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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