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HOW DO YOU ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TO SEE WHAT THEY JUST REFUSE?

I AM AT MY WITS END. I HAVE A CFM(CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER) WHO CONTINUES TO ASK FOR THE SAME THING OVER AND JUST REFUSES TO HELP HERSELF. SHE WILL ASK AS IF WAITING FOR ANYONE TO SAY ILL DO IT FOR YOU. THAT ISNT HELPING HER GET THE JOB DONE FOR HERSELF. I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO GIVE HER ADVICE WHEN SHE ASKS. BUT SHE HAS YET TO FOLLOW ONE SUGGESTION. YET SHE STILL ASKS THE SAME THING. I HAVE ASSISTED HER IN THE PAST BUT SHE HAS AIWAYS NEVER COMPLETED HER PART OF HE DEAL. SO I FEEL AS IF I SHOULD BE DONE WITH IT. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING LATELY EXCEPT TO ENCOURAGE HER TO HELP HERSELF. THAT IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, I AM SURE. BUT NO MOVEMENT IN THAT DIRECTION ON HER PART. ANY SUGGESTIONS?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • what is it she's asking?
    MammaMia72

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 2:39 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • well she has to grow up some time and it sounds like you are doin your best to head her in that direction. keep up the good work
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • that is called ENABLING. You cant force anyone to do things, she has to do them for herself. I would just tell her that you love her for where she is at and will love her through her shit, but will not continue to do the things you have been doing.... tell her if nothing changes than nothing changes right....u get out of life wat u put in.... she needs to step up to her part of life and not rely on everyone else.... dont enable her.... love her through it but dont give into it.
    kwiseman19

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 2:41 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • You have to place your limits on what you are willing to do and stick to it. If she seems to be wanting you to do more that you feel comfortable with, tell her that all you will be able to do is this much, and after that she'll need to do it herself.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I would stop doing anything for her. Doesn't seem to be working. Let her live and learn, on her own.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • SHE IS ASKING HOW TO DO EVERY THING POSSIBLE. I DO BELIEVE SHE DOESNT WANT TO GROW UP. SHE IS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING AND HAS BEEN ABLE TO GET JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY UP TIL NOW. SHE HAS THE OPPORTUNITY NOW TO GET THE HELP SHE NEEDS AND SHE JUST WILL NOT REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. SHE IS STILL DOING HER BEST TO STAY IN A PLACE THAT WILL ONLY ALLOW OTHERS TO DO HER THINKING FOR HER. SHE FAR FROM BEING A CHILD. I FEEL LIKE CONTIUING TO GIVE HER ASSISTANCE EVEN BY JUST ANSWERING HER QUESTIONS IS HURTING HER BY NOT ALLOWING HER TO HELP HERSELF. SHE HAS CHILDREN, WHICH IS WHY IT IS SO VERY SAD.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • What is she asking for? My sis is like this and it drives me crazy and my mom believe everything she's says which makes it worse, she is always asking for money or help paying for things and when that doesn't work she comes up with a sob story so people will just feel bad for her, its gotten so bad that she will say things like "I don't wanna live anymore" just to get pity and make ppl feel bad, she wont work because to her nothing is good enough and when it is she can't do it because he bf wont let her. so I just don't do anything for her anymore she can do it on her own and when she gets in her poor me's I just ignore it because its just to get what she wants

    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:51 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Is it possible she has some kind of disability? Either a learning disability or mental illness of some kind?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I JUST DONT KNOW BUT I DO WONDER. HER BF OF SEVERAL YEARS JUST LEFT HER AND THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. SHE WAS LIKE THIS WHEN SHE WAS WITH HIM AND I BELIEVE SHE PUT UP WITHT ALOT IN AN EFFORT KEEP HIM. FUNNY SINCE THAT IS A REASON HE GAVE WHEN HE LEFT. HE WASNT INTERESTED BECAUSE SHE WOULDNT HELP HERSELF.AS I SAID SHE IS IN A PLACE NOW WHERE HELP IS AVAILABLE TO HER AND SHE NEEDS TO REACH OUT. I HAVE ENCOURAGED HER TO TAKE IT. SHE IS STILL GIVING EXCUSES WHY IT IS NOT A
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • What is her incentive to do anything if she can find someone to do it for her? stop enabling her. if you think the children are being neglected or harmed then call CPS or her pastor if she is in church. This is way too much for you to handle on your own. She's just taking advantage of you. The health dept in some states have women who come in and help mothers who are overwhelmed with child rearing. They teach them to cook and to keep the home clean and to care for their children. That might be an option. As for jobs or opportuntities, she might be in a place she's comfortable with and may be afraid of change in her life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:09 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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