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When starting to date someone, how open and honest would you like them to be and how open and honest are you yourself?

I am going on my first date tomorrow in five years. I just got divorced, and I really don't want to deal with any games. Would it be bad to ask the man straight up if he just wants a sex buddy or an actual relationship? I am fine with whatever he says. If he just wants to be "buddies" then that's fine. If he is looking for something serious, I'm ok with that too. But I don't want to do the whole deciphering coded messages and mixed signals thing. Should I just ask him what he's about?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I was always very honest whenever I would go on a first date. I never felt the need to try and be someone that I am not, or to hide anything about myself. Yes, there are some things that you might not want to put out there right away, like how many people you've been intimate with. You need to start out w/honesty, and hopefully he will be the same way with you. My now fiance already knew quite a bit about me before he and I ever actually met for the very first time in person (we met on a chat line), but I was nothing but honest w/him, and he was the same way with me. You do need to let him know what is going on in your life, and what you are and aren't looking for and that you don't want to play any games. If he is a decent guy (yes, they DO still exist! lol), he will respect that and be honest with you. Good luck. Getting back in the dating scene again can be difficult. I was married for almost 8 years, and it was scary getting back out there again!
    Dark_Princess_2

    Answer by Dark_Princess_2 at 12:01 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I do. It's the only way I can deal with things. I meet guys online and I ask then but if you don't get a chance to ask before the date then at least ask during it. He'll appreciate your candor. Men aren't that good at playing games unless they are predators and skilled at deception. You will throw him off balance but that's cool too! You go girl! I went 15 yr without dating and getting back out there can be scary. Good luck to ya! Just have fun. YOU are in control.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:18 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • If you don't mind either way, why does it matter?
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:15 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • tell him that you are coming out of a divorce adn you are simply not up to playing games so you are goign to be blunt. you want to see how things go but is he just in it to get laid. guys don't usually understand subtiltiy anyway.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 8:21 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • If you're not honest at first, then you can't expect them to tell the truth as time goes on.
    DementedPsyche

    Answer by DementedPsyche at 12:36 AM on Jul. 17, 2008