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My ex and I don't have legal custody but my son lives with me, Can I...

Can I refuse him from seeing his son if he refuses to communicate with me? He has cut off all communication and is very vaige when explaining activities he wants to put our son through. I ask him for advice when it comes to our son but he ignores my quesiton. He pays me but never on time and only when I do things his way. Should I refuse the, NOT LEGALLY DECIDED AMOUNT, child support and tell him to come around when he is ready to work with me? Grrrrr. I need help!!!! Wish me luck I'm going to talk to a lawyer!!!

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Asked by Sillymemommy11 at 3:20 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • That would be the best thing to do if you can not work it out. maybe he just feels if he talks he is going to argue and would rather not talk as to argue. Just a thought. I hope things work out for you.

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 3:22 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Call the lawyer or hit up your local family courthouse. The easiest way out the situation you've described is to have a standinglegal order for vistation, custody, communication and child support. Right now all you have is I said he said and most judges will tell you that you need court orders to make anything work.

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 3:22 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Why would you punish your child like that? I wouldn't do that to my child to prove a point to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Thanks for that insight ? person. I'm open to any ideas even if they might hit hard.

    Answer by Sillymemommy11 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • i agree you're totally punishing your kid because you're pissed at his dad

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I love how the people who say you're punishing your child can't do so without hiding behind the anon. button. Your ex is punishing his child by not allowing open lines of comunication between the two of you, is possibly jeopardizing his safety (why else would he be so hazy about what they're doing?) and is causing financial distress by not paying a set amount of child support and paying only when he feels like it. Take it to the courts mama and let them handle it. It will be a happier and healthier situation for all parties involved.

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Legally, as long as a father is paying support he has a right to see his child. Take it from a parent whose been in court many times. If you're unhappy with his inconsistent visits and support payments take him to court and allow them to decide the amount and his visitation schedule. At least now you have the law on your side when he doesn't pay or pays late or if he doesn't show for visits. It's sad, but sometimes it takes the courts to "force" men to be responisble fathers. Keep in mind that thing s may also work in his favor (he may be granted physical custody or the payments may be less than what u think is fair, or he is allowed to have extensive visitation days/months etc). But at least your child benefits from it!

    Good luck!

    Answer by phillymom49 at 3:55 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I'm more than happy to say it with my "name on" so to speak.

    You're using your child's relationship with his father as a weapon to force the father to behave the way you want him to behave. You have NO SAY in what he does and it's really none of your business what they do together. Your "need" to know is just a need to be in control of their relationship, IMO.

    You say that he pays you child support, even though he's not court ordered to, so we're not talking about some deadbeat dad that's trying to weasel out of doing the right thing. He's paying support (without being forced) and he's spending time with his kid.

    If you seriously just want a fair, reasonable set of principles for both of you to work with, then go to court and get a court order instead of trying to manipulate him and their relationship.

    Answer by Avarah at 4:14 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • OP - I disagree with the PP's here b/c IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to know where your child is at all times. From what I understand of your ? is that there is no court ordered child support and that no one has court ordered custody - is that right? If that is the case, I strongly recommend the following: At this point w/o court ordered placement of your child, whoever has the child HAS THE CHILD. What I mean is if you allow your child to go see his/her dad, there is NOTHING saying he HAS to return the child to YOU!! I feel that you are concerned about what your ex is doing/exposing your child to and probably for good reason! I wouldn't permit the child to go unless you have court orders stating the exact time he/she is to be returned to you.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 4:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • If you do allow him/her to go, and something DOES happen, you could/would be held liable for child endangerment. (Since you knew there was potential for harm, etc) As for the $$ he is giving you - it is not court ordered, right? It is in lei of child support and he SHOULD BE PAYING IT!! YOU ARE SUPPORTING THE CHILD ALONE! This does NOT give your ex automatic rights to see the child!! That is why child support and child custody are two totally separate issues handled by two totally separate entities! There is a reason for that! GL and feel free to PM me anytime. I have dealt with this in court more times that I can even remember!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 4:39 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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