Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

marriage

Ok, so me and my husband have 2 girls and I'm pregnant with our 3rd child. He does nothing to give me a break from the girls, I'm with them 24/7. I haven't been childfree for almost 3 years now. Our vehical is a standard pickup I have no idea how to drive, not to mention it only has room for 3 people. I have servere depression here lately. I'm worn out, and my 3 y/o won't take a nap, so I don't even get that time. When he gets home I do everything for him plus our girls, and it's a complete fight if I don't. My parents can't really do much to help, as they live in a 2 bedroom house and I have a 13 y/o sister. I love my husband, but I don't think I'm in love anymore. Should I try to make things work, or find away to leave and get out? I have no car and I stay at home with the girls so no self income either. I'm lost, help?!?!?!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Have you thought about marriage counseling? He needs to help out around the house, period. If he refuses to go to counseling then you should think about getting out, however, you need to have a back-up plan. Have you worked? Can you support your kids?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • His family raised him to think councilers were a bunch of crap so I can't do that. I haven't worked since May of 07, so it's been a long time. At this moment I can't support them by myself. And last time I talked to a lawyer about a divorce they said I couldn't even file for child support until my kid was born, this was a couple of years ago when I was pregnant with our 1 y/o... so I'm basically stuck here
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • TRY TO FIND SOME FREE COUNSELING SERVICES OR GO TO YOUR CHURCH FOR HELP TO GET STARTED. U NEED TO DEVELOP SOME SELF ESTEEM AND SOME INTERESTS SO U CAN DECIDE HOW AND WHAT U MIGHT DO TO SUPPORT YOURSELF IF NEED BE. HAVE U EVER TALKED TO HIM ABOUT HOW U FEEL? ANY CHANCE HE WOULD HELP OUT IF HE UNDERSTOOD HOW U FEEL? I IS ALWAYS WORTH A TRY TO SAVE YR MARRIAGE. U CAN DO BOTH TIL U DECIDE. PREPARE TO GET OUT AND C IF IT IS REPAIRABLE. THERE R SOME GOOD ANSWERS IN THE FRONT OF THE PHONE BOOK. LOOK AND C WHATS AVIALABLE. GOOD LUCK
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 4:34 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • It sounds like youre just tired. I had 3 kids in 4 years so I do understand how you feel. Kids dont nap forever and sometimes it feels like you cant take much more. I wouldnt leave though. If your husband isnt abusive, an alcoholic or an adulterer then why leave? Anything else besides the 3 A's can be worked out. I would try individual counseling first then couples counseling if you dont get answers from individual counseling. I would also tell him that you need time to yourself. I remember when my oldest 3 were small I told my dh that and everyday I went tanning, shopping or just for a drive on my own, even if he had to drop me off. I got 30 min to an hour a day of alone time.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Do you have neighbors that you could get together with and that you could trade babysitting with? Learn how to drive the truck, and you need a vehicle that the whole family can fit in. Once you learn how to drive the truck, you can at least get out of the house when he is home from work and can watch the children. You can do the groceries then or shop.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Can you start putting your foot down abit. Fix kids plates don't worry about his.Pick up kids clothes don't worry about his.Show him if he is not going to help with kids then you expect him to do for himself until he decides to pitch in.Get frusterated enough to take a stand make a point.Tell him On fridays for example I will be going grocery shopping by myself for 2 hours out each week.He will be in charge of supervising kids at that time. Tell him if you come home and find he has managed well you will have a special sex night after taking a bubble bath while he tucks the kids in. If he does not agree He can sleep the couch friday nights.It's called tough love and you got to love yourself enough to show him you're not joking.Show him how to apprieciate you let him get his own drinks and such till he pitches in.
    summerray5

    Answer by summerray5 at 4:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • He won't do counseling cuz of his upbringing. I have talked to him, his parents have talked to him, my parents have talked to him. Everyone has tried telling him that something isn't right and he needs to help out more, but he ain't listening. I understand his dad wasn't around when he was growing up and just started coming around when I had our 3 y/o, and I think he feels like it doesn't matter what he does. He'd prefer hunting, and playing online then helping with his kids.


    This is kinda gross, but I haven't been able to have a shower since day before yesterday, even though I have begged him to watch them just long enough for me to shower. It's just so dang frustrating
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • U R NEVER STUCK!!!! THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY IF U KEEP LOOKING. U CAN GO TO COUNSELING ALONE. IF U R NOT HAPPY, SOUNDS AS IF U R JUST USED TO YR LIFE, IT IS TIME TO DO SOMETHNG DIFFERENTLY. IF U REALLY HAVE NOTHING GO TO WELFARE IN YOUR STATE. GET SOMEONE TO DRIVE U OR CALL THEM UP AND ASK HOW TO GET THERE IF U DONT DRIVE. THRER IS HELP. U HAVE TO SEEK IT OUT AND THEN FOLLOW IT UP. DO U HAVE A GF WHO WOULD HELP U OUT AND KEEP YOUR CONFIDENCE? IF HE IS A JERK, 1ST THING IS TO STOP LISTENING TO WHAT HE WANTS AND START TO THINK OF WHAT U WANT FRO U AND YR GIRLS AND YR NEW BABY. ONE MORE THOUGHT, STILL TAKE TO ANY CO WORKERS. 2007 WAS ONLY 2 YEARS AGO. MAYBE SOMEONE WHO U USED TO WORK WITH WOULD HELP OUT. GOOD LUCK.
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 4:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • TRY THAT TOUGH LOVE. SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. U NEED TO START NOW WITH A PLAN AND DO WHAT U NEED TO TAKE CARE OF U AND THE KIDS. HE CAN FEND FOR HIMSELF. IT IS TIME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR YRSELF AND YOUR FAMILY. U CANT KEEP THIS UP. EVERYDAY U JUST GO ALONG IS A DAY U COULD B FINDING OUT HOW TO START OVER. IT CANT HURT. I AM ALL FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMETHING IF POSSIBLE. BUT I THINK U ALREDY KNOW U WANT OUT!!
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 4:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I would love to bring back everything. And feel good again. i want to be with him forever but I can't do it if he can't either help or do things for himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
harrassment

Next question overall (Babies (0-12 months))
Eating schedule