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He thinks I'm saying he's a bad father.....

When I tell my DH that I don't want my DD playing with his cousin's kids because they have head lice, and he won't have to deal with it if our DD gets it, he some how thinks I'm saying he's a bad dad. In reality don't us moms deal with the coughs, the fevers, the vomit, the diarrhea, the crying,and anything else that happens to the kids. My Dh works and I stay at home with our 2 year old. If she got lice I'd have to wash her hair,comb it ,and deal with the itching all day. To be honest I can't remember the last time he changed a diaper, gave her a bath, fed her, dressed her, or helped me at all! I know he cares if she's sick or hurt but he doesn't take care of her. He won't give her medicine or take her temperature. I have never called him a bad dad. All I'm trying to do is keep her healthy and safe and don't understand why that isn't a priority for him too.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Since you know it is a hot topic with him, never say it again. Never imply that he is a bad dad, or say that he's not the one that would have to deal with something. You know you aren't calling him a bad dad by saying this, but he doesn't know it. Always praise his good dad triumphs. About the children with lice issue, tell him it isn't a permanent rule, just while the children have lice. As soon as they are free of lice then the children can play together again. You might also remind him that if your daughter gets lice then you and he will both need to be treated, too, and the house wiped down, which he would need to help with.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:27 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I'm not really sure what the question is here, but why does he think your calling him a bad dad? Have you asked him? The only other thing I can say is if he isn't being active in the care taking part of your childs life then tell him what he needs to do because sometimes I think they just "stay out of the way" or are not sure what we have been doing that works for us, so if you want him to change a diaper tell him be like "hey can you change dd so I can go do _____" that works for me or can you help me give dd her medicine
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Maybe he subconsciously feels bad about not taking a more active role in the "nuts and bolts" of parenthood, and is therefore calling himself a bad dad. Men are weird and do that kind of thing.
    katskelington

    Answer by katskelington at 7:24 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Why isn't he giving her baths? Why isn't he more involved?
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 7:30 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Well, perhaps you shouldn't imply that he's a bad dad especially if it's ever in front of your child, but honestly if he isn't a good dad I would point it out to him in private saying perhaps something like "Honey, I believe you are not as involved in our childs life as you should be and I'm referring to the care of our child not the play time that's the easy time" I'm sure he'll appreciate you pointing it out if you do it in a nice way. My X husband did the same thing but he was just the worst DAD ever at the end he had an affair and left with a 21 year old, lol......I got the last laugh the child she bore was not HIS but he X husbands, life's grand, lmao!
    Hurtnlostmom

    Answer by Hurtnlostmom at 7:32 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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