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my daughter got married & preganant to a scum/bum my opinion, don't know how to deal with it, guess I have to learn to like that joker, any ideas?

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swh22167

Asked by swh22167 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (10)
  • You have to realize that it's her decision. She loves him. I've always had the feeling that my family didn't like who I chose to spend the rest of my life with because of his race.
    Try your best to get along with him. Talk to him, ask him questions. See if any of his interests can be shared with yours.
    The tension isn't worth it. It's hard on a couple knowing that family doesn't like who their daughter/son, etc., is married to.
    DementedPsyche

    Answer by DementedPsyche at 5:33 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • That's just your opinion. She loves him and that's what matters. I'm sorry, but your opinion doesn't. Try not to focus on the bad things about him (you can find them in anybody if you're looking) and try to see what she does.
    You will ALL be happier that way.
    Randi02

    Answer by Randi02 at 5:54 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • No, you don't have to like anyone you don't want to like. However, to keep peace you may have to keep your opinions of him to yourself! She'll figure out soon enough he's a cad and she will want better for herself. Honor her decision to try to make a family with him. You are her mom. She needs you. I'm sure she knows how you feel so there is no reason to beat that dead horse. Just love her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:57 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • you don't have to like him but as her husband you have to respect him. or at least be respectful to him. he is an extension of your daughter now. if you are looking at the monitor like i'm a complete idiot (i know i am) think about if the situation were reversed and she couldn't stand her step dad. how would you want her to act towards him? and you? follow that.
    i can tell that you are aware that your opinion could be problematic and i commend you on being a big enough person to say how do i deal with this instead of trying to bend her to your will. at least this way, if he leaves, like you seem so sure he will at some point, she won't be afraid to come to you for help.
    good luck/
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 8:10 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • You don't have to like him but you do have to be polite.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:15 AM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I don't know the answer to this. When YOU find out let me in on it. I'm in the same predicament with MY daughter.
    gcohagan

    Answer by gcohagan at 6:04 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • You don't have to like him, but be nice to him and pretend you do for yours and your daughters sake.
    toyota

    Answer by toyota at 7:09 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • I didn't see anything about love. Does your daughter love him? Same thing happen to my daughter when she was 17. It ended up in divorce within three years. Now with two children it kills us seeing her two children go off with him every other weekend. Life hurts and we can't fix our children's mistakes but we can be there and do what we can. My daughter is paying for her mistake and will until her children are 18. The father is still scum and having fun seeing her hurt. Good luck with this one.
    itsmepat

    Answer by itsmepat at 6:36 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • I was sort of in that situation except in reverse. My mother hated the guy I was with, luckily we werent married. He was a complete jerk and all of my family knew it while I was blinded by love. The only thing you can do is not let him take her away from her family. Love and support your daughter, be there when she needs to talk and dont try to pressure her to leave him. Keep her eyes open so she doesnt get hurt and most importantly be sure not to let your relationship with her fade. Right after I had my daughter my mother was about to walk out of my life because I stood by my ex. it was the worst feeling Ive ever experienced. Thankfully I was smart enough to realize how much of a jerk he was and now she is still in my life, I have no idea what I would do without her.. Whatever you do, do NOT give up on your daughter.
    Scoochiesmommy

    Answer by Scoochiesmommy at 3:04 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • You both see greatness in your daughter.
    Pray for him.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 8:33 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

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