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Do I have a problem or not?

I'm not a jealous person. A remark from my DH about another woman doesn't bother me. I'm don't get upset about my DH looking at porn occasionally. I do check up on him & it bothers him. If his phone is laying around, I look at his texts & calls. If his email open I'll scan the inbox and if something catches my attention, I'll open it. This started right after we got married. There was an 'incident' with a woman that he worked with at the time. I'm not sure anything at all happened. He claims no, and nothing since has lead me to believe that anything has ever happened at all at any time. He recently found out about checking up & says it ridiculous & that need to stop. I've never found anything, I don't accuse him. He wouldn't even know about it except I checked his phone in front of him. He took it away from me & wouldn't let me look at it. He says I have a problem. Do I?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I don't know, I check DH's phone too, and I don't know why, because I trust him completely!
    I think it's a problem, but I still do it...
    Destiny13

    Answer by Destiny13 at 6:38 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I guess we're just scared to be "taken for a fool" or something.
    I dunno...
    Destiny13

    Answer by Destiny13 at 6:39 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I don't check up on my husband. I'd known him for years before we married, and trust was never an issue. We tell each other everything anyway; so why snoop, especially if you don't have a reason to?
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 6:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Give him A little space.. No one likes someone breathing down their neck! Or making them feel guilty!! Trust is A good thing to have!! Have A Good Talk on this!! How does it Feel!? Good Luck on that!!
    Angellinda

    Answer by Angellinda at 6:46 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • It's a trust issue, maybe you should both sit down and talk about it. I look at hubbys phone, email, etc but he doesnt care, its not a case of checking it when hes not around, its a case of using his phone when hes home and i check email for him when he's driving (working). IMO it's about being totally open with each other.
    cheryl4martin

    Answer by cheryl4martin at 6:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I think its a trust issue I don't check up on my fiancee because I trust him and I believe what he is saying is true he hasn't given me any doubt to not believe him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I wouldn't do that, but I trust mine...and he hasn't given me a reason not to like yours has. I don't have any clue why someone would stay in a relationship where they felt like they had to do that though...if you don't trust him, what else can you possibly have?
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:31 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • You sound very jealous. My husband's computer and cell phone are out right in front of me all the time and I never check them. I have no reason to. And it sounds like you don't either. If there was an issue in the past you need to deal with it and move on, you clearly do not trust your husband and it won't work if you don't. How would you feel if your husband didn't trust you and was constantly checking up on you?
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 7:36 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • You don't have a problem and sometimes it's a good thing to check their phones that's how I found out my X husband had a lover, my new husband of 8 years doesn't mind if I check anything and I get the phone bill from his cell phone with details of all calls coming and going out, he's fine with it he saids he has nothing to hide and he's quite content in our marriage and doesn't need to look anywhere else, he however has never checked mine, lol. of course I have nothing to hide either but it's nice to know he doesn't check it. And it's not a matter of not trusting the other person it's a matter of always being on point with your life and not getting surprises later sometimes those that trust too much get very surprised when they are not the total picture in the significant others life.
    Hurtnlostmom

    Answer by Hurtnlostmom at 7:36 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I think it's a problem.. maybe it's just me but I would feel like my hubby didn't trust me if he was going thru my things all the time. If he's leaving the phone out where you have access to it don't you think if he had anything to hide on it, that he'd delete it before he got home and if he's hiding emails, don't you think he'd get an account you know nothing about? If they want to hide things from you, they can, you're just making him feel untrustworthy when you're constantly checking up on him. Picking a fight when there was nothing to fight about until you went thru his things. If you've been cheated on before, I understand your reasoning, but if you don't have trust, you could atleast wait till he goes to the restroom/shower or asleep so he doesn't see you doing it
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:07 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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