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How long does it take?

So, 2 1/2 years ago, my BIL moved in with us. He had been being supported by his father, but his father finally got fed up with it and told him "sink or swim". He sunk. Living out of his broken down vehicle and not taking medication for his clotting disorder, he ended up in the hospital. My husband being the only one this guy will listen to, he had him move in.

2 1/2 years later, he is unemployed, no prospects of moving out, and has to be reminded regularly to either take out the trash or the recycling (his one responsibility since he's moved in here). He spends the majority of his time either watching tv or sitting on his computer. He contributes nothing to the household; he's a leech.

A few months ago, my FIL called my husband and said he'd met a guy who'd been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hypoactive Disorder and that when he looked it up, the symptoms matched up with my BIL's behavior. He said he was willing to pay for it if my BIL would go to the doctor and see if this is what his problem is. Well, the one thing I really wanted to *not* happened with that situation happened. I had hoped they'd look at him carefully before making a diagnosis. Nope! His first visit, he was pretty much told "So, this is what you're here about? Ok. We'll give you an official diagnosis of this. Here's some medication."

I really think that the man is just lazy. Quite honestly, the fact that he *is* on medication just makes me more frustrated with him. I mean, really, 26 years old and if he doesn't get told to take the trash out, he'll leave it till we have maggots. Granted, if he's asked to do something he'll do it, but its a half-assed job. Ex: take the trash out but not replace the bag, sweep the floor but only get the big chunks up, put the dishes in the cupboard but not put them where they belong.

Anyway, let us assume that he does in fact have this disorder. Does anyone know how long after beginning treatment we should expect to see results? He's been put on antidepressants and someone told me that it takes about a month for them to build up in the system.

Answer Question

Asked by ncbirdie at 11:54 AM on Nov. 14, 2011 in Health

Level 11 (534 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • You don't mention how long he's been on them. You also don't mention whether he has stuck with his meds. They only work when taken regularly.

    Regardless, this has become a big problem for you and your husband and you're not out of line to say, "Enough. He goes or I do."

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:57 AM on Nov. 14, 2011

  • Number one, I'm not going to give my husband that ultimatum until I'm capable of following through. I have to be prepared that he tells me to pack. Number two, the last time he was given up on, he almost died. We know that when told to sink or swim, he's a stone. Yes, 2 1/2 years is a long time, but he's family. At what point do you say "I give up. You're a lost cause. Go off and die."? I really want to give him time to adjust to the medications and see if they help or not. He was on the first medication for about a week, but they were messing with his head so he got put on some other stuff. It's been close to a month and I really don't know if he has been taking them regularly.

    He seemed to be making progress, but he'd met a girl who was really pushing him. He broke up with her because she pushed too much. Now he's back to his normal behavior.

    Comment by ncbirdie (original poster) at 12:20 PM on Nov. 14, 2011

  • Both my kids have ADHD and his laziness is not one of the signs. Failure to focus could be one of the signs but not the laxidaisical attitude. I know he's family but eventually you have to let go. Medication sometimes doesn't always work. He needs therapy. Make an offer for therapy and if he doesn't go then kick him out.

    Answer by robinkane at 12:27 PM on Nov. 14, 2011

  • "I have to be prepared that he tells me to pack."

    That is something every human being must be prepared for in any event. Or that their marriage falls victim to one of the three Ds... desertion, divorce, death.

    That said... I think robin is right. He needs therapy and an ultimatum.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:33 PM on Nov. 14, 2011

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