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My sex life has really gone down...

I have been married for almost a year and my husband don't like sex...he says it's not me, but past relationships have really turned him off from it. I adore and love my husband to peices, but it is dragging my self-esteem way down. I really need advise on what we can do about this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • A man who doesn't enjoy or want sex?~I would suggest Marriage counseling. This will help you both & he needs to realize that this is not about his past, its about you, him & this marriage. Take small steps with working with someone who can help you two. He married you & sex is a major part in a Relationship/Marriage. Be the one to find someone want to work with & make an appointment to see them to get the help that you two need. There is nothing worse than feeling "not wanted' & this shouldn't be something you should be going through after a year of marriage. Continued below~

    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 11:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Communication is the key...
    cheryl4martin

    Answer by cheryl4martin at 11:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • You have to understand that counseling isn't for people who has "problems". It's for people who want to have the tools of learning to communicate with one another at their BEST as Husband & wife & BEFORE you have problems. A lot of people usually see someone when it's too late & don't want to try anymore. When you finally do it that way, It's too late. Good luck & Best wishes to you both!
    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 11:42 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Well, I would say try counseling. It may help get too the root of his issue and deal with it so you can have a healthy sex life again. My husband has taken a detour from intimacy, but he wants sex all the time. I am trying to find my own way of dealing with this. I feel like its a duty. But hey thats my life. I wish you both the best. And know that it is not your fault, he has a blockage within his mind about sex.
    jaimeesolo

    Answer by jaimeesolo at 11:44 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • If he truly felt this way then he shouldn't have gotten married until he had those issues worked out. Not every woman is bad, the same as not all men are bad but unfortunately left over issues from our past do affect our present. I'd suggest some sort of therapy for him to work it all out if he wants to save this marriage. Sex isn't everything but it does play a big role in a marriage.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:47 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I agree about trying counseling. I spent many years being uninterested in sex because of issues from my past (and have left numerous past partners feeling unwanted because of it). It's only been in the past couple of years that I've found my interest re-kindled, after working through some of my issues in therapy. And, of course, now that I'm interested, I have an absent partner that I haven't seen since our son was conceived almost a year ago (immigration issues)...God willing, we'll be able to get him back, because now that I'm a mom, I'm not interested in getting to know someone new. But that's another topic altogether. In any case, I know when I went through all those years of not being interested, it really was about me, and not my partners; but it affected my partners and my relationships big-time. (continued..)
    printerr

    Answer by printerr at 11:57 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • (continued from previous post) For me, it was very important that I not feel pressured to be sexual...but then again, my issues were related to having been sexually abused, and feeling used and unsafe and like I had to be the one in control. I don't know what your husbands issues are, but hopefully with some good counseling, he and the two of you can work through it. Good luck.
    printerr

    Answer by printerr at 11:57 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

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