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My husband curses at our 8 year old when he scolds him. It really bothers me and I communicate this to him all the time. But, he still does it. This is ruining my son's self esteem resents my husband (his step father) for it? What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Jan. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • I'd tell him to leave, that if he can't talk to him without cursing that he needs to go out, calm down and we'll see him when he's got it under control
    Allysmom11

    Answer by Allysmom11 at 11:44 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Well this may be corny, but get a swear jar. Every time your hubby curses, make it put a dollar into the jar. Then like set a certain date that your son gets to spend that $$. Say like after a month, or 2 weeks or something. I am not saying the $$ makes up for the cursing, but I know that it is a hard habit to break. I went through this with my husband. If that doesn't work, every time he cusses, hide a prized item of his. Such as a favorite game, magazine, or book. Tell him he can get it back when he stops belittling your son.

    If all else fails, leave him. If he can't respect your son, he can't respect you. OR just do all the disciplining yourself. Tell him he isn't allowed to so much as speak to your son if he can't say anything nice!
    Blaines_wife

    Answer by Blaines_wife at 11:49 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I would not let him talk like that to my son. I know you prob love this guy. but he has no respect for you or your son to be talking this way to him. The longer you let this go on the longer you are hurting your own child. It would be no dif in my eyes than you saying those things to him. I don't intend to bash you here, but your son will grow up with major issues if you let this continue. And eventually if it is bad enough your son will blame you for not leaving too. So please don't let your son go through that. He is only a child. Yes he prob knows better but he doesn't deserve that. Find him a father figure that he will respect and one that will respect him.
    If you are still planning to work it out with him say don't discipline at all if you can't do it the right way. My son I wll do the discipling of him!!
    lovinmomto3

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 11:50 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • Your son HAS to come first. Please do not let him do this to your son. It's wrong & it's only teaching your son a way on how to deal with his own emotions. This man/father is not using the best source for teaching your son to have the best self esteem or self respect. Stand up to him & tell him that if he wants to be a part of your life, he will have to stop this behavior & stop the cursing & handle his issues in a more well mannered "adult" way. I wish you the best of luck!
    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 11:53 PM on Jan. 7, 2009

  • I think instead of "puniching" either of them you should encourage them to spend time together...if they form a bond this will likely stop. They are competing for YOU right now, once they have a mutual respect for each other things will get much better. Have them go to a movie, or baseball game, something they both like...it will take time but it will happen. My step mom and I were the same way til we found something to bond over....
    Best of luck to you and your family
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:06 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • How dare this man (or anyone ) cuss at your son who is the adult?  You need to talk to your husband and let him know how this is making you and your son feel.  I would also try to have your husband start doing positive things with your son.  Mabe it would be a good idea for you to be the one who punishes your son.  Do you think your husband is resentful towards your son because he is not the biological father?

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 12:33 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • since he is not the father, its your job to put your foot down... Tell him that he needs to be more respectful to your son, because not only is it hurting your son, but you as well... and tell him if he can't respect you and your wishes, then it's not going to work out.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:39 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • since you told him gently, inform him that he is no longer allowed to speak to your son that way and if he continues he will no longer be allowed to live in the same home as you and your son!
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 12:41 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Maybe he resents your son for not being his biological son? In that case, I don't know if he'll ever accept him. Step up now and get it stopped! It's only a matter of time before his lack of respect for your son ends up being directed to you too; IMHO it already is; disrespecting your son is a huge insult. And like a PP said - your son could end up resenting YOU! My DH still resents his mother for things she allowed.
    rosewolfkin

    Answer by rosewolfkin at 12:55 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Let me give you another side of things. I have a brother, he is in prison. He writes me and tells me of the anger he has torwards our mom...Because she never protected him from our stepdad. He will always be resentful and feel as though he was unloved...because our mom let her husband be a mean, vulger person to her own kids.
    Stand up for your kids!! They were their before your husband, but they may not be their after
    I have seen alot of adult children treat their moms like crap..because their moms were not protective....
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:21 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

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