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Mom is having an affiar.

My mom has been having an affiar for 5 years. She was married and told me she was leaving him as it was terrible. She said she was in love with a married man and was going to marry him. Her husband ended up killing himself. She moved on and I thought this guy would not stay with her for very long. He is still married and always has an excuse why he isn't leaving (he is married I do not care, probably best). He is a weak man, very unsure of himself, very manipulative. My mom thinks the world of him and will do anything for him. He didn't like her spending time with friends and she has basically let all her friendships go. I want to sit her down and say it is wrong and why. We are planning on moving out of state in less than a year and she will be all alone. I wish she would work on herself and then get a man. She gets too attatched and romantizes everything. What would you do? I do not want to hear about this dud anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Jul. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • me personally, I would just tell her you don't want to hear about it/him anymore. I think it's safe to say she knows that what she is doing is unhealthy and wrong, and you trying to tell her that is probably only going to cause tension between the two of you. I would simply say, "Mom, I don't agree with what you're doing and therefore, I don't want to hear about it anymore."

    Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:54 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • It sounds like your mom is a very damaged (for lack of teh right word) person. Sounds like she's been very hurt and has no self-esteem. Maybe she thinks she can't do any better than this guy. It sounds like he has some control over her. Would she consider moving to the same city you are moving to?
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 8:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • I am so sorry that your mother has involved you in this affair. You should have never been told of this, by her, and she knows what she is doing is not good for her =( I understand your pain, but she is going to have to want to move out of this relationship. You will be the bad guy if you push her into a decision she has not made for herself. I know that does not make it easier on you, but maybe your leaving she will be forced to become more independent and this will change her image of herself. Just reassure her that you love her and will be there to encourage her when she is ready to leave that situation. And, I do agree with tropicalmama with the fact your informing her you don't want to hear anymore of that relationship will take some of the "fun" out of it. No one can talk to a closed door! Keep the faith!!
    ladyoprayer2

    Answer by ladyoprayer2 at 9:38 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • if it were my mom, i would tell her the man who marries his mistress leaves the position open and she should think about herself for a change. tell her you love her, you hate hearing about her and seeing her do this to herself so you simply can't discuss this with her anymore. children really shouldnt' know too much about their parents sex lives.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 10:03 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • Sounds like something I saw on Oprah a few months ago. The bottom line is of course hes winning and dinning her. He doesnt have to with his wife of however many years. It all comes down to he doesnt respect women period. If he did he wouldnt be fooling around on his wife, and he wouldnt be toying with your mothers heart.
    MeganLSBartz

    Answer by MeganLSBartz at 12:51 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • Ive been in messed up relationships and to me they are safer sometimes then real relationships exspecially if she already lost a husband. I am sorry this is happening the best you can do is be supportive because the day she wakes up or it ends whether it be tomorrow or 5 more years she will need you. I am sorry she is in this relationship but it is hard to break a bad habit. Sometimes it just becomes codependency. Good luck...Wish I could take my own advice I am in between a rock and hard place. If my mom had to talk about one thing for years so be it because I am her daughter the best thing you can do is support her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

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