Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do they always blame the men?

Why is it when a man cheats, or when he would rather masturbate then do his wife/girlfriend is it his fault? That he should respect her feelings? What about him? Doesn't any of you think his feelings should be respected too? Does anyone ever think to ask him why he would rather do his hand then you? Every guy I've ever been friends with who cheats or masturbates to porn, it's 9 out of 10 times been because he just doesn't want her anymore. She got heavy or she doesn't do anything to make herself attractive anymore. Or even worse she's turned into his mother. Always trying to tell him what he is or isn't allowed to do.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jan. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • If he cheats then it IS his fault. If he has a problem he should do something about it. Either talk about it and try to work it out or get divorced. I know that some women do things to "drive" men to this, but they don't have to. If you don't want to be with someone you should leave before you are with someone else.

    Answer by sbastille at 10:51 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • If he cheats without expressing himself he is to blame. I get what your saying though, if my husband denied me sex I'd be hurt.

    Answer by Farrahann at 10:51 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Regardless of what a woman does, cheating is wrong. It's wrong for her to cheat, too. Masturbating and cheating are two very different things, though. If he's cheating, he's wrong, regardless of what she's done. If he doesn't want her anymore, he could masturbate, or he could be man enough to admit he wants someone else and end the marriage/relationship before getting with the other woman. That's why it's his fault. If she does the cheating, then it's her fault.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:51 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • My DH and I talk ALL the time about EVERYTHING!!! I caught him masturbating a few months after we got married and I was heartbroken! We talked about it. I told him that I was hurt he wanted his hand more then me. He explained that it was nothing like that. He just said it was fast and convenient for him. First thing in the morning, he was in the shower and it felt good. I told him that I didn't understand, but I would try to accept it. Then, I turned the tables on him. He caught me with a toy a few months later! But he loved it!!!! So, now we both have our OWN playdates.

    Answer by angeladh82 at 10:52 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Angel, I caught my husband and it was the funniest thing, I felt bad because he got real embarrassed. To me masturbation is just a quick simple release, nothing against their partner.

    Answer by Farrahann at 10:57 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • I agree with you quite a bit there except the cheating part... that is his fault, he's making a choice to do that. But I don't mind my hubby masturbating as long as it's not with me in the other room wishing he'd come to me instead. My hubby works out of town a lot so I don't mind telling you I take matters in my own hands often and I don't ask or care if he does as long as isn't with another woman.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:02 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • u kno wats so funny to me... how people post a question off of another question and post it ANONYMOUS.... anywho.... if a man dnt wanna be with u he shuld be man enough to tell you... not freakin masturbate instead...thats just dumb to me...and if a man cheats...HOW ISNT IT HIS FAULT?? if u cheated would it not be ur fault?? and also, masturbation is NOT CHEATING...seriously i have seen like 4 questions posted about this topic and it annoys me... how is masturbation cheating?? if ur man was in a room with a naked women who wasnt you and was masturbating than yeh, thats fucked up.... but to masturbate to a computer screen.... who cares.... if it bothers u that much than maybe u need to get a check on ur OWN insecurities... or ur man just has a new addiction....

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 11:09 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • and no offense... but if ur hubby wants his hand more than you.... than either u should step it up or just laugh in his face.... either way.... get over it...

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 11:11 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • masturbation is normal but when a man cheats or a woman cheats it is their own fault! If you cant talk to you DH SO or wife then there is the first problem. DH and i talk about everything and always have.
    IN MY EXP... i have been cheated on.... no i did not get fat or turn into their mom or not look sexy enough and i want sex ALL the time... It is more about the excitement of doinging something that you might get caught doing. (or so they say) But if you or your man cheats IT IS THEIR FAULT AND THEY ARE TO BLAME!

    Answer by lonelymommyof2 at 11:12 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Rofl... was this written by a man? So cheating is okay if the wife has let herself "go"? What does that mean anyway? Plenty of guys gain weight after marriage or put less care into themselves after marriage.. does that mean we get to go out whoring around? With kids, busy lives, spouses, bills, chores - there is just less time to sit in front of a mirror. Reality. I blame the guy because it's HIS fault. And the statement about "her becoming his mother" -- sounds like the guy wasn't fulfilling HIS responsibilities as a husband so she ends up having to remind him of his responsibilities. (IE - NAG!) Personally, I would much rather see women holding MEN accountable for their actions then blaming the other woman or themselves. No one "made" him do it. Thats a weak excuse for a feeble man that can't take accountability for his mistakes.

    Answer by Serafyna at 11:20 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships

Next question overall (Food & Drink)
What can I make with this?