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Is it common for Army soldiers to doubt their relationships?

My fiancee left for Army prep school in late October. During that time our communication was limited aside for a few letters & occasional phone calls. He came home after being away for over two months, for a five day period recently. I noticed changes in him but nothing to off the wall. Right before he left to head for Basic Training, we sat down & had a conversation regarding our relationship. He's having doubts about how he feels about me, stating that he loves me, but isn't sure if he's in love anymore. Now all letters and such prior to that contradict that statement, but have left my mind spinning with questions that I can't ask him because he's already gone. To give some history, we've been together for five years now, engaged for one, and always had a solid relationship with open communication. Is it normal for Army recruits to have doubts? Can anyone relate/help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Jan. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Well if he is having doubts after only being away for two months you might want to revaluate if you want to be with him. My husband was gone for a fifteen month deployment. When he came home we had some kinks to workout, but we still loved each other very much. With the amount of time that they are away at schools and with the hours they work, he is going to have to be more emotionally committed to you for a marriage to work. The divorce rate in the military is like 83% right now. Take your time and flat out ask him if he wants to be with you. You shouldn't have to waste your time, end up having children, and then be divorced in two years like so many women are. You have so much control of your life right now. Just make sure you utilize it.

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:17 AM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • I think you should factor in that he is going through a major life change. You don't say your age but my guess is that you guys are in your early 20s and have never dated anyone else. This might be his first time away from home. Basic training is very hard. He is missing home and probably evaluating his whole life's meaning right now. It's good that you've always communicated well. And even though it hurts - it is good that he told you how he felt. Don't freak out yet. He's just going through some big life changes. Don't assume he is wanting to break up with you. Just keep the door open on communication talking about all these new feelings and fears. He needs your strength and confidence more than anything right now.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:21 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • I can totally relate. My husband is currently deployed. He has seperation issues. he said that he doubts the relationship. we have been married for 4 years, together for almost 8. We are middle 20's and have dated others. so we know that we are ment to be. -with that said- I totally understand what you are going through. It is very hard to go through that. But if it is a relationship that you really want to work out, then work towards it. it has to come from both ends, but we're working on it. i'm reading books about marriage, and he is reading stuff online. There are two good books that we like. The Five Languages of Love, and Love and Respect- The love she most desires, The respect he desperately needs.
    I wish you two the best of luck. It is hard, but if you truly love each other, then it will work out :-)

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Probably...because so many military guys get "jody'd" by their girls back home. That kind of distance puts a strain on any relationship. But with few exceptions I don't have a lot of faith in young, early married military wives.

    The older, more mature wives with kids and....well maturity...I don't think their men have to worry as much.

    And I'm NOT generalizing! My SIL is an ANGEL military wife. Devoted to the definition of the word. And she's young, married and has no kids with her husband. However my brothers "wife" is married him 3 days before he shipped out to basics, has a baby with him and has a new dick in her every few weeks. *cough skank*

    Answer by munch12502 at 11:03 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

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