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My sister says she "feels sorry for my dd, because she has to have me for a mom"

Ok so my dd is 5. We had her first parent teachers conference today and found out that she is basically getting all "C's". The problem is that I KNOW my kid better than anyone else and I KNOW that she understands the material but, for some reason is not trying in class. To me that is unacceptable. I expect A's and B's. Nothing lower. I told my dd that she is doing ok in class but, that she needs to try harder and that we are going to start working on practicing her reading and writing a little more everyday at home. So am i totally wrong for setting an expectation that my dd does good in school? I don't understand why that makes me so bad? I am not expecting that she does it all on her own or anything. If she is having trouble we will help her. We will do whatever needs to be done. I am not one of those crazy parents that is going to freak out over an A- or anything but, I feel like Parents who set higher expectations usually see their children rise to their level of expectation. So setting the standards high but  ACHIEVABLE LEVELS will cause children to step up and do it. So how wrong am i?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Nov. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (25)
  • Setting reasonable expectations about school at an early age is so important. And setting the example that achievement is made through hard work and practice is an important lesson. Sounds like you are a great mom and are doing just fine. Tell your sister to worry about her own life.

    Answer by mdrgator10 at 8:38 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • Tell your sister to mind her own business. I think you're doing a good thing when so many parents can take the easy way out and not push their kid to do their very best.

    Answer by tspillane at 8:40 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • As parents we absolutely have to be involved in their education. Teachers cannot and should not be expected to do it alone. Congrats to you for setting an example and good luck to our dd.

    Answer by meooma at 8:43 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • C's? I have never heard of an elementary school giving letter grades BUT if your child is capable with out stressing her out then of course you need to encourage her in a positive manner to do better. Your sister will be osrry if she does not encourage her children/

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:43 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • I would talk to your sister and see just what she meant by her comment. I agree that we need to set high standards, but you sound angry. I feel more important than grades is self esteem. Maybe it is your approach to it all. Maybe your daughter is trying her hardest and by you telling her she has to be better, it tells her she is "bad". If we can make it fun for the kids and build them up instead of a punishment and making them feel bad, they will have an easier time through all of life.
    Kids will reach what we expect from them when there is POSITIVE reinforcement. Even if she isn't doing great, if she is told how good she is doing she will eventually become what she hears....words and attitudes make all of the difference in the motivation of children.... Good Luck.

    Answer by LeJane at 8:49 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • C's? I have never heard of an elementary school giving letter grades

    Well...Its the equivalent of a


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • Setting her up for success is key but at her age, too much pressure can turn her off. Just tread the line thoughtfully and it sounds like you will.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:56 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • you sound angry

    I am. At my sister. Not my kid LOL.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:56 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • I agree with the way you handled the situation. To me, early education is the foundation for a much brighter future. I compare that to building a house on a "shabby" foundation -- in the end, your house will also be shabby. With a solid foundation, you get a solid house. Set the standards high and achievable now -- and always be available to guide and assist in a positive manner -- and your DD will excel. Luck to you!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 9:04 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

  • you didn't have to tell her anything at all,the only thing you had to do was work with her,she is a child and needs to be treated as one and doesn't need to worry,that she may be falling behind in some way

    I get what you are saying but, my philosophy is to always treat her like she is a little older than she is because that is how she will grow. Also, I would never tell her she was doing really bad or that she was a bad kid or make her feel like she was stupid or something (because she absolutely is NOT), but, I think it is an important lesson for kids to learn to be real about how they are doing and how to get better.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Nov. 21, 2011

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