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Would you help?

SS (17) has done nothing in the 10 years that I have been married DH but got back and forth between his dad, me, BM and SD lying to each of us about the other. His dad in the last two years has been able to see SS for the person he really is, since I back away from SS and SS began doing the things he was doing to me to DH! SS's BM, however cannot see the nose on her face much less see SS for who he is! SD is just stupid...nothing else to say about him! Anyway, BM and Stepdad bring home $183,000 per year (after taxes) DH and I bring home $60,000 a year. DH pays CS every month ($600 for two boys), covers the boys on his insurance and pays half of all uncovered medical bills, and will be responsible for 50% of college on each. DH is not responsible for any extras according to their Divorce Decree. Now BM called DH last night asking if we can help her buy a truck for SS. We have a daughter together and do not have extra money.

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NEWMAN12

Asked by NEWMAN12 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well.... I have a 17 year old daughter and we let her drive one of our old cars. She can call it hers as long as she works a part time job. She has to pay half of her insurance, buy all of her gas. It wouldn't hurt your SS to get a job and buy a car. Maybe his mom could help get him one, but make him make the payments. Thats just my opinion. I told my daughter if she wanted something other than we she drives she would have to buy it herself. Good luck.
    TammyG.

    Answer by TammyG. at 6:56 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • If it creates a financial burden for the rest of a family then the kid should buy his own car, if his mom wants to buy him one that is her choice, but your DH is not obligated to pitch in. Does SS have a birthday coming up? Like you and DH could give money toward the truck for his b-day?
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:44 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • Either suggest that the teen buy his own car, that the parents go 1/2 together on a car and have the teen pay the other 1/2 or tell the mom to pay for it herself. She and her husband make more than enough to do that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • I think a car is a luxury to be earned, and I would not buy my own child a car unless they were doing something to earn it. If BM wants to do that for her son, more power to her. My SS 15 thinks that we will pay for him to be insured on our cars so he can drive when he comes to visit...not going to happen. We have two other children that live with us that we have to take care of.

    sammy12868

    Answer by sammy12868 at 6:04 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Thanks for your answers. We told SS before he got his DL that we would give him my husbands car when we were able to get a new one (I don't think a newly driving teenager should have a new car). He flat out told me and DH that he would not be caught dead driving that car! After that DH and I both have said that we were not giving it to him now no matter what BM said. When she called the other night that was the first thing out of her mouth "You said you were going to give SS your car and SS told me that you were keeping it!" Now we never said anything to SS about not giving it to him....that is him lying again, and he really wants a truck not the car! My DH is hell bent on not helping her with a dime towards a new truck and says that even if we did have extra money he wouldn't help because SS doesn't deserve it. I just wanted to get some opinions from other moms to make sure he (we) are doing the right thing!

    NEWMAN12

    Answer by NEWMAN12 at 8:36 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • My oldest will be 16 this coming summer. My dad (grandpa) bought him a scooter. one of those that go up to 80mph. The deal is that he has to get a job and pay grandpa back half the money and pay for his own insurance. I do not think any kid should have a new car just handed to them. they need to be taught responsibility.
    orbitlynn

    Answer by orbitlynn at 9:07 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • If he chooses not to take the older car, then let his mom get him one, or let him do without one. Something old, or (to him) ugly is better than nothing at all!
    TammyG.

    Answer by TammyG. at 2:06 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • My mom told me she'd go up to 2,000 on a vechile... my dad offered me nothing. The rest was up to me to save. Your first car doesn't need to be anything speical... you can have a special car when you are payn for it.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 11:09 AM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • I'm sorry but into this groun session. I'm embarrassed to ask what ar dc, dx, what ever. Can you help me with abeviations?
    Havingfun13

    Answer by Havingfun13 at 10:42 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

  • Havingfun13, I'm sorry but I don't understand your response. You are asking about abbreviations, but the ones you listed are no where in my question nor did I see them in any of the answers that were posted. The ones that are in my question are listed here: DH = dear husband, SS = stepson, BM = birthmom, SD =stepdad in my question but also stands for stepdaughter, CS = child support, DL = driver's license
    NEWMAN12

    Answer by NEWMAN12 at 10:18 AM on Jan. 22, 2009

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