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Help my 9 year old does not what to sleep in her room...

Helpmy 9 year old daughter does not want to slee in her own room but at one time slept in her room just fine. Alot has happed in the last two years she lost 2 grandfaters and a ver special uncle. And has not really slept in there but alway wants to either slep inour room or n the living room with one of us sleeping on the couch and her onthe floor. and now after the ice storm we had in december which we had trees falling on our house and fires on the neighbors house But the on thing that concerns me the most is that this weekend we were playing frisbee with my brother in laws dog and he ran at her an she threw the frisbee and i was only 2 ft away adshe hitme in the eye and gave me a blac eyewhich she was devistated about so much that when she took her shower that night she scratched herself becuse ihad an injury and she felt responisble. Help the strain is getting to me and my husband.

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Asked by mommystressed at 8:37 PM on Jan. 8, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • She obviously is dealing with loss in a whole bunch of ways. She has lost people she loves and is afraid of losing the next. My heart goes out to her. Is there anyway you can try to explain this more to her and tell her that you'd stay with her in her room until she fell asleep. Or if problems persist, maybe time to talk to a child psychologist that may have some ideas for you, especially if she is scratching herself because of wanting to release the pain somehow or wants to feel the pain that she feels she has inflicted on others. More that I think of it and type, the more I'm leaning toward talking to a professional before things progress in the negative direction. Please keep me advised of what happens, as I do feel bad for her harboring these fears and her actions against herself. Please email me and let me know. Thanks!!

    Answer by Squirrel1001 at 8:42 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • personally, I would sit down with her and have what I call a heart to heart. My dad and step family used to have what they called a family meeting every Sunday. It was where everyone sat together with their favorite drink and said what they liked most about the week, what went on and what if anything happened that upset them. I hated it because it always turned out to be what I did wrong to tick everyone else off and it put my dad in the middle. I have friends though that say it works wonders. I would just start with a woman to woman talk though.

    Answer by vbongard at 8:48 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • We had 4 close relative losses in a 2 year period when my DS was 7-9 years old, and while I thought he was handling things fine the little changes in him started piling up so I took him to a child psychologist even though he protested. I highly suggest it even for a couple of visits, he told the psychologist things that he was holding in because he didn't want me to worry even though we had told him several times that he could talk to us about anything, (and believe me he does)and admitted he felt good to get it out. Especially since your daughter is self harming you need to get to the bottom of this more than changing the behavior.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:54 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • How about redoing her bed set, new bedroom paint and decor? 9 Year olds like that. And tell her that she has to sleep in her bed until the sun comes out? Thats what I did with my kids... Thats the rule in our house.

    Answer by Scimecamommy at 10:43 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • If she's started hurting herself, she needs to see a Dr.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 11:17 PM on Jan. 8, 2009

  • She is afraid of you dying. She needs you right now. She needs to know that it is ok to lean on someone and that she will be ok. Pull her into your arms and hold her. Every chance you get. Sometimes she will just cry. But most of the time she will sit with you. She needs to understand that you forgive her for her accident. And she needs to forgive herself.
    I am a little concerned about the scratching, it could turn into cutting if it isn't handled properly. She is obviously very distraught and needs gentle handling. I would consult a doctor.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:11 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • My 9 y.o. sleeps with me every night. She didn't when she was little but over the last couple of years she has. She never knew her dad. A couple of years ago I quit seeing a guy I went out with for 5 years. It was towards the end of that relationship that she insisted on sleeping with me. She says she is scared of the dark. In a way I don't mind her there. I have a Cal. King bed and sleep with a couple of dogs too. But I worry about what it will do in the long run. I was hoping she would just grow out of it, but she hasn't. She doesn't even want to sleep at Grandmas and Grandpas like she use to because she wants to sleep with me. Any advice?

    Answer by Havingfun13 at 8:24 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

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