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what do i do about my tween daughter who is starting to hang out with the wrong crowd?

she is a great kid - but i have noticed that she is starting to hang around a different crowd. i am worried about some potential behaviors that could send her down the wrong path.

she gets very hostile when i try to ask her questions.

how do i handle this?

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Asked by hieverybody at 8:55 AM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (13)
  • Yank her freedom chain hard. There is no excuse for hostility toward a protective parent. She needs to answer respectfully all your questions. If she doesn't she doesn't get to go. End of story.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:05 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I agree with Susie.

    Answer by Christine0813 at 9:09 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Yep, a great kid would be willing to share details when asked.....put a stop to it now.

    Answer by Kimebs at 9:12 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I have been there. Remember her age I would say. The hostility could be part of her age also.. Try talking about these kids she is hanging out w/.. Talking about their parents.. What do they do? My daughter is 15yrs old.. When she starts talking about "new" ppl her dad and I start asking about them and their parents. We do our own little "back ground" checks on the kids and their parents.. lol Good luck..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 9:22 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I agree that what you are seeing as hostility may just be her age, this is the age frame that it can start happening. What I did with my kids was little different then "yanking thier freedom chains" lol (love that saying). I allow them to pick thier friends and try to stay out of it at all cost...BUT i have made it very clear, that thier friends are not responsible for thier actions, an example would be, my oldest boy had a friend who was very clearly a "problem" child, and one day said friend thought it would be funny to put another kid (smaller then them) in a trash can, so my son helped him, instead of banning the friend, I punished my son and made it very clear that he is in control of his actions, regardless of anyone else.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:42 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • This has worked well with all my kids, They have friends who are questionable at times but because I hold only my kids accountable and not the friends they have learned to trust me and be honest (probably not all the time..thier teens :) ) But almost always .

    And as cliche as this sounds, talk, talk, talk keep dialoge open and never put down the friends, it is the easiest way to send then running back to the very people you are trying to discourage them from.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:43 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • this happened to me when i was young. i got very hostil with my mother and it acctually ended in fights. When my mother tried to shorten my leash it just made me agrier. I look back on it now and i personally think that a good aproach is to talk to her about her friends, drugs, alchohol, and sex now. Tell her that just because her friends do things doesnt mean that she has to, that its always ok to tell her friends no and if they push her that they arent good friends. Tell her that you trust her to always do the right thing and be the person you expect her to be. Ask her to always tell you where she is at and what she is doing. I honestly beleive this will work better then tightening up. I didnt change the way i acted towards my mother until she showed me that she trusted me and beleived in me, it took alot off my shoulders and helped me beleive in myself.

    Answer by killerbunny2008 at 12:59 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • keep communicating with her. Tell her she can come to you for any reason and let her know that you will help her through any problems she may have. Like others have said, try to get to know who she is hanging around and the kid's parents as well. I know that the tighter hold you try to get on them, the worse they get. Good luck

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 5:44 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I would say it depends on whether or not you believe you can trust your daughter to make the right choices. Well, I don't know about your daughter, but my son hangs out with the bad crowd, but if I ask him about certain things... well, when I forbid my son from hanging out with certain people it doesn't teach him to be more responsibe, it just teaches him how to be sneaky about it.

    Answer by GeesMommy at 9:44 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I think you should talk to her about it and honestly explain your concerns. She may roll her eyes but she probably will hear you. I started hanging out with kids like that because I felt like I had no control over my own life-I felt very trapped and confined. Let her have little freedoms, like cutting or dying her hair (it's just hair, it will grow back/color will fade out), making decisions about clothing (as long as she isn't dressing provocatively), etc. Let her know that you want to trust her but trust is earned, and your trust will mean something (like more privileges).

    Answer by Guaranteed at 1:35 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

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