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My husband doesn't help me

Sometimes I tell my dh that I feel like a single mother. I nanny; I watch a 4-mo-old girl 8-5 M-F. I also watch my ds who is also 4-mo old. i work at mcdonalds at night and then someone from my family watches him unless dh is home. I understand that he works a lot! He works at a restaurant and mcdonalds, so he works like 50-60 hours a week. he is usually at work by 8 and a lot of times he doesnt come home until like 10 or maybe even 1am. but even when he does have time off, he expects me to feed the baby, change diapers and everything! Evan is 4 months old and dh has only change 21 diapers! He thinks its funny to count. I can't get him to understand that watch kids all day is hard, let alone two infants (one of which is the fussiest baby i have EVER had to deal with, and he knows that). He thinks that I sit around and do nothing all day just b/c I dont get all the laundry done or maybe i didnt get the kitchen cleaned. Help


Asked by CassCass at 10:43 AM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (108 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Men.............Have you tried being honest with him? Sitting him down when there is no one else around, the baby is sleeping and you can talk? Tell him that realistically you both are working two jobs. The diffence in your 2nd job is that it doesnt ever end. Tell him that until your son is older and less hands on, that there will be days the laundry doesnt get folded, the dishes may not get done. If it bothers him bad enough to say something, you'd rather hear him complaining as he loads the washer, or fills the kitchen sink. You do realize that he works and works hard and you appreciate it, but until baby is older.........things are going to go undone. Your not super women. If he would like to help then you'd be glad for the help. But until he feels like he can do more then you'd appreciate it if he'd not mention stuff that doesnt really matter.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I don't know how to help here. The way I look at it is sometimes you have to go through rought times to get things how you want them. You both have to work soooo much right now so you are able to live more comfortable later. As for him not helping, make him! That sounds mean but when my daughte was a baby my husband learned quick that I was not going to do everything and if he is at home then it is a 50/50 job. Especially in your sit. where you are both working so much, the responsibility really needs to be shared. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Or better yet...........if it does bother him so bad, then mabey get a third job so he could pay a housekeeper............(thats from my evil twin lol)

    Answer by mistynights234 at 10:52 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • For me it took a role reversal one day for him to realize that it's hard to get ANYTHING done when you are watching babies. I have twins and to just get a load of laundry done is an accomplishment (hell, just being on this site right now is amazing for me!) He thought I wasn't doing anything all day, so one day I had to be gone for about 5 hours, and when I got home he just said "wow, I had no idea..."

    Answer by Tristan.Kladzyk at 10:56 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Maybe you should give up the baby you watch if that's the one that's so fussy so you can get more done? I don't know about you, but a bawling kid waking up my child would bother me and they never seem to sleep at the same time. My kids are well past infant age and I still don't get things done that I need to but hubby has learned that it's not so easy after watching them himself or even being here watching me take care of them.
    He's working hard, but you are too. My hubby's never been a diaper changing, laundry washing kind of guy so good luck to you... hopefully he's young enough for you to train.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:06 AM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I'm right there with you. I definitely am a single mother; he works 6 days per week and when he comes home he sits down, sometimes will play with Peter for 1/2 hour and that's it. On Sunday when he's home he jsut wants to sit and watch football but also expects the house to be quiet. I told him from now on on Sunday me and Peter will leave because I can't deal with the attitude of him being angry if there is noise. How do you keep a 5 year old quiet; all he wants is for his father to play with him; I understand he works hard and he deserves a day off but I'm tired too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Jan. 9, 2009