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If your hubby had an affair. How do you know if he really loves you? After the affair

 
MIXED

Asked by MIXED at 5:46 PM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (89 Credits)
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Answers (19)
  • thats not necessarily true anon, sometimes men love their wives very much but stray. if he feels genuinely sorry he would do everything it took to make sure you know you're loved
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 5:49 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • if he loved you, he wouldnt have had an affair in the first place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • There is no such thing as "love" when he cheated on you.

    i would NOT believe my husband when he says "i love you" after he had an affair. i wouldnt even consider him my husband anymore ;)

    i totally agree with answer #1. if he loved your, he wouldnt have had an affair in th efirst place.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 5:50 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I'm sorry aliciatron, i have to agree with anon, if you TRUELY love your spouse you won't cheat. No ifs and or buts about it. It's not only hurtful but disrespectful too.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I would not stick around to really find out. If he loved me so much then he would not have betrayed me in that way. I would pack my bags and hit the road. I wouldn't even argue with him about him leaving. I would leave and he wouldn't be able to find me.
    JD08

    Answer by JD08 at 6:03 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Here are some more important questions.  Do you love him?  Perhaps you do, as the father of your children.  Can you really be in love with him again?  That, I find hard to believe.  How will you ever let him touch you again without thinking of him with the other woman?  Will you ever be able to trust him again?  Unlikely.  While many men who cheat claim that they love two women at the same time, or that they made a big mistake and want their family back, I DO NOT CARE!   A cheater deserves to lose everything, and how he feels is irrelevant.  Sorry, that's my opinion.  I wish you the best.

    FreeHomeBiz

    Answer by FreeHomeBiz at 6:12 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  •  This wise woman in her 50's says that her first husband did love her. Sex was never their issue either - they had plenty of that. She was upfront to say that both she and he were responsible for the affair. Yes, he should not have cheated. But she also said she did not really put the time in to nurture and care for her marriage. Her now sage advice is to nurture your marriage in your 30's so that you will still have one in your 40's. She did ultimately get a divorce, she talks to her ex often about their children, and she knows he still loves her. She is happy and has very good space and boundaries within and for her marriage.  So yes, your husband can love you but still cheat.  The question is can he and you learn to move past that.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:28 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • cont...If you can say that you are willing to try to move forward and he is too - with making a lot of changes then I would say it is possible. And many women do have good solid relationships with the spouse that had cheated on them in the past. It takes work. More likely than not though most couples can't survive and some other issues, the reason why the cheating happened to begin with, keep popping back up. Pesky issues. So take care of you, answer yourself honestly of whether or not you want to try, and then I would encourage professional counseling by a marriage and family therapist. They can assist in setting up a new normal and you can start to pave the way to a more healthy relationship.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:31 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • if he truly loves you he wouldnt have had the affair
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 7:08 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • We were seperated for 5 months. It was torture. Right before we decided we got back together he had sex with another women he'd begun talking to. Until then, I was the only person he'd ever slept with.I couldn't really say much since I'd done it to him, but I felt most hurt that he didn't tell me until I agreed to come back home.The guilt he felt about it tears him up. I have a hard time with my guilt as well. We both take the blame for both affairs. I also go to counseling to try to understand my bipolar disorder. It can cause you to become promiscuous and unreasonable which I was. We loved each other the entire time, but I couldn't take his hatefulness and he couldn't understand my depression. We work everyday on being stronger together.He took me back after I cheated, and I stayed after I found out he had. The love never left us. Frustration just took over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

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