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thinking about placing my son for adoption

Im a single mom (21) and my son is now 20 months, I love him to death, and its rough to picture him not in my life, but i cant seem to keep a job cause he gets sick and i have to be off on weekend and i cant work after 5 cause no one to watch him, his father has never been around and i cant find him, i feel so horrible cause i cant take care of him the way i want to, and i cant stop crying, ive tried asking family and friends for help but they are all to busy i dont know what to do ...... please help

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jan. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (20)
  • i don't know really know what your trying to ask?? But I also don't know how you could put your child up for adoption that old!! But whatever you feel is best for you guys I guess. Good Luck in whatever you decide

    Answer by krazyash023 at 6:28 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I would visit some churches and talk to some may find some nice couples willing to have an open adoption and let you still be a part of his life. A friend of mine adopted a child this VERY way and it is working out wonderfully, the birthmother even still baby sits her son!

    Adoption has come a VERY long way!

    It may be the hardest thing you have ever done....but if you cant handle it....then its probably best for him.....

    Sorry you are having such a hard time...

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 6:35 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • Depending on where you live there are certain vocational school that will train you for a job and also they have daycare when you are learning. Have you looked into something like that. It would help better yourself and then in return your little guy. Are you getting financial help from government? There are alot of alternatives that you can look at, you just have to be a go getter. There are lots of moms your age that do it all by themselves. Keep your head up and don't give up so easily.

    Answer by JD08 at 6:37 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • There are lots of places that you should go to look for help to get your family on track. The first person I would talk to is your child's pediatrician. He/she will know what local resources are available to you. It could be assistance paying for childcare (each state has a program for this, which is sometimes supplemented at the county or city level) or other assistance making ends meet. You could get legal aid to help track down and extract support payments from the father. If you don't have a pediatrician to talk to, please contact your town's social services department and ask them who you should talk to in order to get the help that you need. There are people out there who can help you. You need to keep fighting to get that help.

    Answer by evwsquared at 6:39 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • First, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Second, you are not a bad mother for considering this as an option. But it would be heart wrenching and my heart goes out to you. Talk to your local social service agency. You may qualify for day care vouchers where day care is on a sliding scale. I have a coworker who only pays $25 a month for daycare. Show them paystubs, rent, bank statements..ect. Then you can also look into what other forms of assistance is out there. And yes call churches and other local resources. If you would like to raise your son but finances are an issue then look into additional help. Also Angel Food Ministries, look them up on the web...cont...

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:42 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I would talk to agencies that place children. Maybe a foster family could care for him while you get back on your feet. You could maybe go to school and work so you can care for him. You could still see him and keep that bond and still do what you need so you both can have a better life. Maybe a family friend or relative could be that person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • cont..has programs in churches all over the country. There is most likely one in your area. For $30 a month you can feed you and your child fresh food. Usually that is $30 for two weeks, but you being single and him being a toddler - well you can make that work. Great food and very affordable. Also available is great fresh fruits and veggies. PM if you want to know more about that. Look into placing an add at your local colleges. See if there are other single moms struggling to find childcare at odd hours. Post for a group: free care, just a few moms and swap and trade times. This way it can be FREE. Post at several colleges to get better responses. Colleges are your best bet to find lots of single moms in one area. cont...

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:46 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • im so sorry you're going through this, you are very brave. i asked my mother to adopt my son because i am also have a very hard time with money but she wont do it. maybe a family member will?

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:47 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • cont...Adoption won't scar him for life if that is what you choose. A good transition and good counseling and prep can make a transitition smoother. But I would hestitate to do that to you or to him if it boils down to finances. But there is no judging you or what your situation is at all. Only support and l am sending lots of hugs your way.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:47 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • also do you think you might have PPD? it is possible to have PPD and not realize it until your child is 2... i dont know you just said you're crying all the time. i had PPD and it was very hard

    Answer by aliciatron at 6:48 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

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