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what should i do?

So ive been with SO for 6 years we have a six month old daughter and a house. last sat we went out for a few drinks and he had wayyyy too many, he has a history of addiction but not to alcohol but i still get scared when he drinks too much. anyways monday we were at his work for a party and he decided to have a few drinks and bartend too well he ignored me for like 5 hours so i said i wanted to leave and when i did he said fine i did. anyways a few hours later he called sayin he didnt have a ride so he was stayin at his buddies and was going to work the next morning...infuriated i went out and got him (at midnight with my 6 month old daughter) only to find that he went to a bar and i had to take my daughter in to get him!! (Contd)

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • i went ballistic and ws yelling and screaming at him and not quite sure why i was even that angry ya know? anyways i want him to find a new job mainly because my friend said that him b eing a bartender will ruin our relationship...cause of the long odd hors and such. also there is this girl he works with who is shady as all get out she is dating his best friend but i cant seem to like her...with this whole situation what should i do???

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I have an answer I would post but I posted a ? earlier about something similar in the sense that i lost my temper in front of my children. But as far as answering your ?, I should probably keep my opinion to myself as others who read will would probably bash me for it. Sorry if this sounds dumb.


    Answer by LovingParent08 at 9:51 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • if it were me i would give him an ultimatum me or the job. it probably not the best way to go about it but i wouldnt my man being out all hours of the night and lying to me about crashing at a friends house

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • You don't know why you were that angry??
    Jeesh, well if you see no problem with it in retrospect then good luck!

    This has nothing to do with his job, and everything to do with him and him alone.

    Answer by Liyoness at 9:54 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • i know why i was angry but i also feel like i embarassed myself in front of his co workers by completely losing it. what do you mean nothing to do with his job just him. im seriously looking for advice lost, in my heart i dont think taht he would ever cheat but who knows these days....also i randomly go through his text messages and the only ones he saves are from me.. like he will be sittin with me and get a messafge and that night i look and its deleted

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • A job cannot force a man to cheat. A job does not force a man into being an alcoholic. A job does not force a man to have disregard for his family.

    -Hmm.. He ignored you in front of his co-workers - why wasn't he showing you off to them?
    -He let you leave without him- shouldn't you have been more important?
    -He was going to spend the night at a buddy's?? WHA?! Ever heard of a TAXI??? RED FLAG!!! Sleepovers are for teenagers, not grown men with a family to go home to.
    -He LIED even about that and went out drinking at bars!!!

    Uh, honey, you had EVERY RIGHT to go ballistic!!!!

    Now it comes out that he deletes text messages?? What's he got to hide? Why don't you look at them with him when he gets them? YOu are SUSPCIOUS! You have every right to be, and every right to put your mind at ease.

    The fact that him cheating is even crossing your mind is a HUGE red flag!!!

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:03 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • And none of that has anything to do with his job. It has to do with him. He is in control of his own self. If you and your child mean so little to him that he'd allow his coworkers to influence him in any way, that's on HIM. Regardless of the job, this will still be an issue.

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:03 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I can tell you my DH works out of province most of the month - he lives in camp for three (or more) weeks at a time - and there is NOT A DOUBT in my mind as to what he's doing and who he is with. Cheating isn't even a POSSIBILITY. And that isn't blind trust- that's knowing him and being open with each other. I can tell you every minute of the day exactly what he's doing - because HE tells me. He has all this "freedom" and I would bet on my children's lives that he's not out drinking OR cheating. I could snoop through any bit of his computer, phone, or hide in his backpack, going everywhere with him and STILL I wouldn't find the least bit of suspiciousness.

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:08 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I don't believe in being naive, or thinking "it couldn't happen to me", but I DO believe in being open and honest with one another, and leaving all aspects of our lives as a wide open book. I believe in questioning anything that didn't come out right - heck, my DH is at the point where he'll tell me he was on the other line talking to someone, and then correct himself and say "sorry, that didn't sound right- I was talking to ____".. I don't even have TIME to ponder the fact that he used bad wording, but when he does, he doesn't get evasive, he doesn't get defensive, he explains EXACTLY what he meant..

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:13 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • He doesn't want me feeling insecure in our relationship - so why would your husband. Why wouldn't he offer up when he gets a text message "haha, read this.." Enough pointless text messages where you think "why are you showing me this?" and you should start feeling a little more security, don't you think? Why do you have to wait until "later" to snoop? Why are you afraid to do it right beside him?

    Maybe you're feeling insecure for no reason- and I hope that that is so - but there is obviously a failure to communicate in your relationship. What are you so afraid of?

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:14 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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