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My Sons' Birthmother is out of jail and in our lives.

Things are going very well. She is in a live-in rehab (I am ignorant of that process). We have had one play date. I find I want to include her in the holidays. She is probably calling too much (2x a day). I feel like if she continues to do well, we could become like family. I think it is important/responsible for us to have some good boundries, but I am having trouble getting started thinking of them. I am stuck in the emotions of the adoption being final, the new baby and her getting out of jail. Can anyone help me get started?

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adopteekjt

Asked by adopteekjt at 6:49 PM on Dec. 5, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,995 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I woudl tell her that you enjoy talking with her but you have other responsibilities that have to be attended to and the more you are on the phone the less you get done so you would appreciate it if she only called once a day.
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 6:59 PM on Dec. 5, 2011

  • I would set a time for her to call, example on even days at 6pm. My ex and I had to do this, we were allowed to call the kids on wednesday's at 6pm, when the other patent had the kids.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 7:54 PM on Dec. 5, 2011

  • First of all I think it's so refreshing that you have this attitude in the long run this will be good for your child, so many adoptive parents forget or even refuse to acknowledge that no matter what the situation that birth mother gave them the biggest gift anyone can ever give someone . Now to the question you most def need boundaries however they all depend on how open you want the adoption to be, some people have 2 visits a year and a phOne calls on special occasions only, others have more visits like every few months and bi weekly phone conversations, so really you have to figure out what you are comfortable with and then discuss with the birth mother and explain for it to work well you need boundaries etc, good luck !!!!
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 8:03 PM on Dec. 5, 2011

  • I wish I could. Our trying to set up boundaries with DD BFamily was the spark that caused the downfall of our relationship in the beginning. They took it as us trying to be controlling and as a personal insult. Thankfully we have moved past that, but it took more than two years.

    Boundaries are important for everyone involved. Perhaps start off with asking for her input of trying to start a schedule and then move on from there. That way you should be able to get a full idea of what she wants and if you put it in a schedule (say her calling on M-W-F and you sending an e-mail with pictures/updates on Saturday) then hopefully it would be easy for her (and you and your sons) to get used to.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 8:14 AM on Dec. 6, 2011

  • tell her when the best times are for her to call. be specific.
    diamondsarecool

    Answer by diamondsarecool at 5:26 PM on Dec. 20, 2011

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