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Is it me? Or is she a B!tch?

It's no secret that I hate my mom. I am gaining a little ground with my dad, so I am glad for that. My dad's sister died on Monday & he is really upset. I talked to my mom tonight & she told me that my dad was flying out 4 the funeral tomorrow. I asked her why she didn't go with & she said (& I quote!): "Well, I don't know anyone & it's not MY family...." after I nearly choked on that comment, she added (again, quoting her here) "I decided to let him go to the funeral when I realized that it's been over 24 yrs since he's seen his family & it's only his brother & niece left now." UGH!! They have been married for 34 years!! Not only is she NOT supporting HIM during this time, but she's acting like she's doing HIM a FAVOR?!? Note: when HER sister & brother died within a couple of months of each other, he WAS GIVEN NO CHOICE! He HAD to go with her to the funerals whether he wanted to or not. Of course HE went to SUPPORT her!

 
Babylove76

Asked by Babylove76 at 10:19 PM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Well if it happens again.. offer to go yourself : ) sounds like your dad could use all the support he can get. Anyways it sounds like you have a decent relationship with your father at least. Don't loose sight of that.. Good luck
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:23 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • wow, its not you
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 10:20 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • It's not you... Our parents are assigned to us by birth... but I've never personally believed that you have to like them. And in your shoes... I might feel like my head was going to explode from sheer anger.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:25 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • That's just it - I was ADOPTED!!! I didn't just happen to them - they picked me!!!

    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 10:28 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I am going to sound like one too but I didn't go to a couple of my hubby's family members funeral and I liked them quite a bit. It wasn't out of disrespect, but I'm not a funeral person. I offered to go if he wanted or needed me to, but I am very uncomfortable going to them. It's not that I'm heartless, I just am not able to show emotion publically and it's hard to see even a stranger laying there dead, with people crying and me not feel some emotion, and I feel like people think I'm cold because I'm not crying too but I just can't. I couldn't cry at my Mom or daughter's funeral but heck I cry when I see a hurse going down the road because I know what the family is going thru but no one can see me crying. It's good that she "let" him go and if she's as big a bitch as you seem to think, then it's prolly best that she didn't go with him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:34 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • lisa_ann_p: Thank you for your reply. This has helped me to calm down. I don't think that you are a b!tch the way that you described it. You offered to go. She (my mom) REFUSED to go and only DECIDED to "let" him go after he pointed out to her that it's been a quarter of a century since he has seen any of his family which, in the meantime, another sister and three brother's have all died and he wasn't "allowed" to go to the funerals. I am glad you said it's probably best she didn't go with him - and I think that you are right. At least he's there and he will be able to spend time with them. Thanks again.

    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 10:39 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I don't know the reason why your mom feels so uncomfortable going to the funeral.  Maybe your dads family never treated your mom kind so she wants nothing to do with them.  I feel she still should go and support your dad.  My dad and mom are divorced when my mom's dad died, my dad who was never crazy about my moms dad (my grandpa) went to the funeral to support me his daughter.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 11:15 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • She sounds pretty cold. I have an aunt who was like this, she has always treated my uncle (my mom's brother) family this way. When my grandmother was dying (his mother) we called her the day before so she could let my uncle know. She refused to let him come that day and by the time they got there she was gone. Some people are just this way. It's only important if it pertains to them.

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:26 PM on Jan. 9, 2009

  • I'm curious tho.. how does a person stop you from going to see your family? yea there might be a fight, maybe even a break up, but no way am I going that many years without seeing my family. He makes a choice, he can go and face her anger before or after he goes, or both, or not go and miss out on seeing his family. He's choosing not to fight with her I guess. I'm recommending that your Dad does the just go thing... as long as it's not putting them in serious financial bind, to once a year to just go, save all of his change, open a savings account etc and he has the money to just go. In fact, if you're really concerned about this, that would make a great Christmas/birthday gift from the kids (everyone could put back $5 a week till you have enough to send him even if it's only every 3 years it's still time he gets to go)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:20 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Well you may not know the whole story about her relationship with his family. And she can be supportive from afar to keep the peace during a bad time. I've done it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jan. 10, 2009