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Is this a smart or selfish decision??

I'm a SAHM, have been for 3 years and currently looking for a job (it's so tough in this touristy little town we live in). My bf doesn't make much money and works his ass off all the time. I've been considering moving out with my DD to go live with my parents (they live really close to us) so he could save money, or spend his free time (the very very little that he has).. I see him for about an hour a day, and one free day a week.
I really love him but he's so easily a pushover and stays extra hours at work doing sidejobs that he's not even getting paid for.. just favors for customers or the boss.
He'd be devastated if I left, but we live in a horrible, tiny house.. and he keeps talking about moving out in the Spring but I don't see it happening, even if I get a job.
I don't know if I should just hold out and keep looking for a job, or stay here with no savings, in a tiny shithole house. It's pretty bad.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Jan. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • You have to do whats best for your child.
    Rebecca7708

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 12:04 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • my honest opinion is selfish.

    secondary opinion - not smart in any sense
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like he is working his butt off to support your family. So in my opinion, that is just selfish.
    lilbit837

    Answer by lilbit837 at 12:04 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • *POSTER* Okay.. I didn't make this clear.. I wouldn't be leaving him, no way, I'm totally devoted to him but I feel like we're a strain on him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Nothing is wrong with you wanting to improve your life.  Your bf needs your support and appreciationfor all he has been doing for you. Sounds like you have a man with integrity! If he beaten you I would say move.  He is just working his ass off trying to give you and his child a good life.  Moving in with your parents is just running away.  If you are not happy being in this situation, why don't you get a job?  If your parents live close by maybe they can take care of your child. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • hmm....im not sure. but it does sound like he's working his butt off for your family. I dont know if i would call it selfish but i think he would be devastated and it would put more of a strain on your relationship.
    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:12 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I think two people in love are meant to stay together and find their way. I think it would be like you're punishing him for trying to take care of you guys, so I wouldn't do it! Can't all of you go live with them?
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 12:23 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Well i couldnt see myself leaving my BF because he was working his ass off and i didnt think our home was good enough!! now if he was sitting on his ass and keeping you in a shit hole that would be different!! but he is working very very hard it seems like and yea it sounds like you are being selfish... if we were doing that bad i would want to help him make things better not walk out on him and make him feel not good enough!!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 12:24 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • It's not so much selfish as not smart. He will get the wrong idea about you leaving. Maybe see if you can get a job and your mom could watch your child. You know so you are not giving him a false impression.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 1:43 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • If the problem is he is procrastinating then I would take the initiative and if he says his goal is to move in the spring I would be making that happen. Some men just get stuck in ruts and it has nothing to do with you. His life IS probably you and your daughter.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 2:10 AM on Jan. 10, 2009