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How can I make my sister see that her current situation is not good for her kids?

She has financial issuses due to having 2 kids to care for with a jobless, worthless father that wont even watch his own kids if she was to work. Lost their house @ month ago, been staying @ hotel w/ kitchenette. Would take her kids for her , but need a temporary custody paper from her to receive state help with food & childcare. How can I help her?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 AM on Jan. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • Well tell her you will take her kids but you need help yourself,...with taking care of the children.
    Its very good of you to help her out like this,

    she is lucky she has a sis like you!

    good luck hon!
    LexsiesMommy

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 4:26 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Definitely tell her that she's welcome to come stay with you but inform her of the custody papers. Your current plan to help her sounds just great, she should be grateful to have such a great sister. Good Luck to you and your sister with this.
    HNK11

    Answer by HNK11 at 6:48 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I may be totally wrong on this but...I think she may already know this. Please sit down in a non argumentive and judgemental manner. She may be super sensitive to the issue but I dont know what kind of person she is. She may not see her husband in the same way you see him. I understand and see the help you are trying to give her. Maybe start with taking the children for sleep overs before actually confronting the situation. I will be praying for the situation to get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Letting you take the kids for a little while is one thing. Giving you temporary custody by signing a paper is another. At that point, and maybe it really would be better for the children, you would have complete say about when the children can visit, when they can get them back, under what circumstances she can have custody of her children again....at least until she hired an attorney to reverse the temporary custody. You would want to consult an attorney to draw up papers for power of attorney and health care power of attorney for the children. She may be okay with just letting you keep them without the actual signing them into your care. My guess is that by signing she may feel like she is a complete failure of a mother. So go gently. cont..

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:44 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont..If this were me, and I needed the financial assistance to aid in care for the kids, I would be very truthful - I can't care for them without you signing and I am sorry. Then if she won't, don't take the kids. The deal here is that someone is always there to bail her out when she hits rock bottom. You were and you did bail her out. She doesn't have to cope with her kids and be motivated. So give her some motivation. Tuff love is hard to do. But at some point she has to determine if she is going to be the provider or she has to acknowledge that someone else can be. If she won't acknowledge you legally as the care provider then it really should all fall on her.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Do what you need to do to get the help to take her kids for a while. So long as she is serious about getting things straight. Or even for you to watch the kids while she works. It is very kind of you to be able to do this for your sister and willing to do it.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 9:53 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • You can get the kids without custody papers. All she has to do is sign a peice of paper saying it is ok for you to have them temporarily. You cant really help people like that. Hopefully she is one who will learn this isnt what she wants in life and leave him or get a job herself to support the kids. There are people out there who just live wrong.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:18 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • My sister had the same problem when she was married.. she had two kids and worked her ASS off to support them, but couldnt make enough to keep them in a good place to live.. they were always moving. Her husband was (and still is) an alcoholic and wouldnt admit it. Not only did he not want to watch the kids while she was working.. but she didnt dare to leave them with him (thier own father!)..so I always had them while she worked. The only way she realized she needed to get out was when she found out she was pregnant with her third child. She finally got out.. even though it meant moving in with our mom for a bit to get back on her feet..but by the time her third child was born, she was on her own and has been doing GREAT ever since. cont.
    MistyAB

    Answer by MistyAB at 10:38 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont. so, I would suggest as another lady did.. you should talk to her seriously and let her know how everyone else sees her husband and how much better off she really could be by leaving. It wont be easy to say to her.. and she may not take it well.. but she will think about it and hopefully realize you were right and were not saying it to hurt her..but to help her. Maybe even (if you have the room) offer her a place to stay with her kids while she gets on her feet. Let he know you are there for her no matter what.. my sister is very stubborn and doesnt like to take peoples advice.. but she finally did on this one..and I know she is greatfull that we talked her into leaving.
    MistyAB

    Answer by MistyAB at 10:40 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Let me know when you figure this one out. My husbands sister is married to a worthless guy also. He is recovering from drug abuse and alcohol abuse. He has to go to jail this Feb for breaking into my husbands Grandparents gas station and stealing a bunch of cigarettes. He has threatened to shoot himself if she leaves and literally had to have the cops go out in the woods to stop him one time from shooting himself. He has no job and just sits and home and isn't the best stay at home dad. He pawns his kids off when she is at work so he can sneak off and go drinking. He also has gotten physical with her and the kids when he was drunk once. ....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

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