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what age can kids decide they dont want to visit there dad

my daughter is 11 almost 12 and does not want to visit her dad anymore

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Asked by mom4life5 at 10:44 AM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (12)
  • I let my kids start making that decision around 12

    Answer by craftykidsclub at 10:47 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Depends on your state, but at her age you could request that the judge talk to her. If they feel she is mature enough to make the decision they might let her. I am going through the same thing, we have to wait until she is 14 so she can stop the visits.

    Answer by mamapotter at 10:49 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Yes that is a good age, but it also depends on why she doesn't want to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I wouldn't encourage her not to see him just because she doesn't want to. There has to be valid point of why NOT. Sexual abuse? Physical abuse? Emotional abuse?

    My SD doesn't come around anymore because she doesn't want to wash dishes. She has no chores at home whatsoever and she is 16. Her mother even said she doesn't make her do anything and she is having problems with her now. Her mother let's her not see her father over something stupid. My hubby has tried, he has called her on her cell and left message after message. He has left her a b-day present before her going off to school and a note saying he wished she would come back around and be in his life and not even a TY from her and a lot has to do with her mother. She will regret not having her father around when she is older and may even resent you for not having her visit her father.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Depends on the situation. If there are circumstances in place that lend to it not being in her best interest, by the Court's standards - not yours or hers - then you can file with the Courts to stop them now. She might not get any input, but the judge will listen to you. You can also request a Guardian ad Litem be appointed by the Court. Then she will have her own lawyer in place to protect her interest. The GAL will meet with you, your ex, school official, family. Just about anyone who interacts with the child. Then make recommendations to the Court. It is a way to get her heard before she reaches the age that the Courts will let her speak.



    Answer by desert_diva at 11:06 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • (Cont)

    If it's just that she doesn't want to go because she doesn't like his rules, or wants to hang out with her friends instead, it won't happen. If that's the case, and you try to take it to the Courts, you could very well find yourself in deep diddly-doodoo for bringing the motion. As residencial parent one of your responsiblities is to foster the relationship with the other parent. Make a motion like that with no real grounds and Dad's got documented proof that you aren't living up to that. And can use it to motion for a change of custody.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:07 AM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • It depends on the state, but most of the time it is between 12-14 that they can speak to the judge.

    Answer by KnoxvilleDoula at 12:54 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • You have to do it legally or he could turn it against you and get custody and then your daughter would be screwed.

    Answer by shmorris56 at 2:06 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I think my biggest question to your child would be why? As much as we would feel a sense of pleasure that they would rather be with us, we still need to encourage that other relationship unless there is something unhealthy going on there. IF you have a decent communication with her father, maybe you should tell him she isn't interested, or is reluctant to go. Maybe he isn't putting forth any creativity or effort into her visits and she doesn't feel important to him. If so, then it is more important for HER self worth and self esteem to encourage HIM to put more effort in, to make her feel special. Good luck.

    Answer by Scimecamommy at 2:25 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I would find out why--specifics. I would tell her I was going to talk to her dad about her comments. I would talk to him--maybe he is unaware of whatever is going on-- and give him a chance to address her issues.

    Answer by mama_k228 at 1:10 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

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