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How can I help my friend?

I have a friend whos kids are out of control.They stay for weekends.I find myself correcting her kids and she doesn't care.She says she is going to use my ideas at home.But they never follow through and they favor one kid over the other.No kid is perfect,but my husband does not even want to hang with them anymore.We can't go to restuarants anymore.Also their morals are alittle off.I want to help her,but she is the type that would like you to do it for her.We do have fun together and I really do like hanging out together,but we can't even mix them with our other friends.Help!

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Asked by lisabellantone at 12:01 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • Telling someone how to raise their kids strikes a nerve even if your right. Plan evenings out without the kids.

    Answer by Farrahann at 12:07 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Start making other plans for the weekends..........or be honest and tell them the truth. Feelings are going to be hurt, but sometimes thats what people need.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:08 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like you need to either be upfront with her, or just let the friendship die. I would hope my friends would be straight up honest with me whether it's how my kids are acting, of if it's something about me they have a problem with. You can't control how someone else thinks or acts but you can control what you do. Maybe she's at the end of her rope with the kids because no one is helping her, backing her in discipline and she's giving up but it's a well known secret that your kids will mind someone else better than they do you most of the time. I have a friend with unruly kids and when they come to my house they know I am not shy about putting them in time out or spanking them and like your friend, my friend not only doesn't mind, she thanks me for it. But I'm honest, I tell her I'm not going out in public with those kids, they could tear a metal building down with a wet noodle! Continued..

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:13 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • When we have an agreement for my friend to come over, I have her to put it on speakerphone and the kids and I go over the rules. it's my house, I'm the boss and I will spank you if time out doesn't work (these kids are 5,7, 10). They agree to my terms and they are reminded what the rules are before each visit or in your case, I would inform them when they first get there each time. And then I'd tell your friend that I'm tired of being the bad guy, you've heard my rules enough so if you can't control them, then we need to maybe take a time out on the visits till they understand I'm serious.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:15 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I'm afraid that we had to let a friendship go with another couple because their children were very badly behaved and destructive. We tried going out with just the parents and it worked for a while, but I think they eventually realized that we didn't want to be around their children, so we all called one another less and less and that was it.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:37 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I wonder if I joke around with her (we are big jokers) the next time she wants to go out to dinner,Say something like only if you drug your kids????

    Answer by lisabellantone at 12:40 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Ha, when my friends would come over and their kids were little they always knew that I was the boss!! I didn't put up w/ kids that disobeyed!! NOT my cup of tea!! For some reason my friends didn't mind me getting on to their kids. MY kids didn't act up soo I wasn't going to allow anyone else's kids to! Plain and simple..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 12:43 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I'm thinking it depends on how much you value the friendship and if you think she could "handle" an honest response. If you are going to drop the friendship anyway, I think you have nothing to lose by telling her the truth and it may give her something to think about in the future with other friends. Sometimes people don't get "joking" and blow it off.

    Answer by lookingahead at 1:36 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • My saving grace was giving my friend a copy of "How to make your children mind without losing yours" There are alot of helpful suggestions even for the lazy parent.

    Answer by clueless1972 at 4:07 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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