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Stuck in the middle between my mom and brother- help!

My brother just got out of college, for whatever reason he doesn't like to tell my mom anything about his personal life, ( could it be she's overly concerned? yep.) So I know a couple things about my brother, for instance why he hasn't gotten his college diploma yet and that he's been dating a girl for a month.. and I would love to just not stick my nose in it, but my mom asks every other time we talk if I know about his diploma or a possible girlfriend.. I don't like lying to her and I've been caught once before lying to her about a girl... it really hurt her. I want my brother to trust me, but I don't like the situations he puts me in... should I tell her? She has the right to know about the diploma in my opinion since she paid for his schooling.What should I do!?!?!?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If he failed and that's why he didn't get the diploma, then I wouldn't tell her, but I'd tell him that he's got to tell her because it's never right to ask someone to lie for you. I will usually say "that's something you need to talk to ... about" It's good he trusts you, but if he failed, eventually she's going to realize that the sucker didn't get lost in the mail! Why the big secret about having a girlfriend? Unless it's actually a boyfriend that maybe dresses/has become a girl? So many secrets about things that just don't make sense to bother lying about. If she paid for the college, she has a right to know what's going on with it. As far as girlfriend, he can politely say "my personal life is mine and when I feel comfortable enough to talk to you about it, I will, please respect that".
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:20 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Maybe you should just tell her that you dont like to be put in the middle and you would rather her hound him about it...And just say " IF" I did know anything its really not my place to tell you..
    calaid

    Answer by calaid at 12:21 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I think it is your mother putting you in an awkward position by asking you to disclose things your brother tells you, not the other way around. I think my mother has always known that my sister and I talk about everything...especially in our adult life...and she would never ask me to talk about things my sister told me in confidence. It is his place to tell her about his personal life if he wants to. The diploma is a little different...has he not earned it or just not received it yet, big difference. I would be telling him to tell her about the diploma.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 12:21 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I would have a talk with your brother. He needs to tell her about the diploma. It shouldn't be put on you to have to tell important news like that to her. As far as the girlfriend goes, just tell her you haven't heard anything new.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:23 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I have been in this situation before, and I find it best to just not say anything, whenever my mom asked me about my sis I wuold just say I dont know and leave it at that, one time though (not saying this is what you should do) I got mad at her for always asking me and told her to stop asking me and to just call my sis herself and ask because I am not the messager girl
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 12:24 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • As far as the girlfriend goes, I can understand you not wanting to tell your mom.. The diploma part, I would be OUT RAGED!!! Put yourself in your moms place for just a second.. IF she paid for him to go to school she has the right to know about his grades!! Your brother is very immature not telling your mom whats going on w/ his grades.. She put up the money.. Think about YOUR child when they go to college, wouldn't YOU want to know about their grades, diploma, etc?? Especially IF YOU paid for it??? OF course you would..
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 12:32 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Thanks girls! My brother didn't fail, but he does need to take one more class and has just never done it... and now he has a great paying job and he's just not worried about taking the class. My mom told me about him being vague about the diploma, it's my husband who told me - he was told by another one of my brothers good friends.-- I know-- drama. So technically I don't even think my brother knows that hubby and I know the deal about the diploma... stupid though- he went through 6 years of school for nothing... and if he loses his job he's screwed without that piece of paper...... I will say to her about a girlfriend she needs to talk to him about it.... We just found out about it a week ago that he was even dating anyone... he's just weird like that.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • sounds easy enough then.... you need to tell Mom that until you take/finish that last class there isn't a diploma lost in the mail because she's driving me nuts wondering if it's lost, where it's at etc... lol I've went to the mailbox every day, or waited for a package (still waiting on one for over a week now and I'm about tired of waiting lol) and it does drive you a little nuts, every day thinking maybe today is the day... makes a parent proud ot help their children build up the tools for a great future I'm sure.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:45 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • 1) You are right about the diploma. If she or both parents paid for the college diploma, then she gets to know about her investment. Parents send their kids to college out of love, support and pride. They shouldn't be cut our of the opportunity to celebrate the final result.

    2) Your brother seems to be trying to "clip the apron strings" just a little more. Maybe, you can counsel or mom to trust that she just maybe raised her son well. He has learned the lessons he was taught. He is maybe "cutting" her out just until she gives him a little space to try out being a young adult man. She will not be able to stop this process. The only thing she will do is cause ill feelings if she pushes too hard.

    3.) You need to assure your mom no matter whatever he is doing that he will tell in his own time. But, you promise that you will tell if you ever get the hint he is getting in over his head and he needs the help of his family.

    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 12:46 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • i would tell your brother you dont like lying to your mom and they may not have a good relationship but you and her do and you want to keep it that way but you dont want to feel like you are "ratting" him out by telling her anything and see what he says, its not righ for him to put you in that spot
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:39 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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