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Why can't friends accept you as you are ?

What ever happened to unconditional love? I have a friend who lost weight due to an illness and now she is always asking me or telling me I should lose weight. It isn't as easy for everybody to lose weight and some have medical problem that cause them to gain weight instead of lose it. Why can't people just accept you as you are, your personallity should be what matters. If she isn't planning on dating me, why should it matter? I know, there will be some that say she might want me to be healthy.....with all my health issues, she needs to talk to God about taking them away so I can be healthy. I eat the right food and not alot of it. I drink water 90% of the time. I do what my doctor tells me....what more can I do. She needs to accept me as I am and love me unconditionally as I do her or we won't have much of a friendship.

Answer Question

Asked by donnabuzybee at 12:51 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Diet & Fitness

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Answers (9)
  • I am sorry you are dealing with this. Hope she comes around.

    Answer by PurpleDawn at 12:54 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I'm sorry.Sometimes even when someone is coming from a place of love and concern,it just comes out wrong.Have you sat down and told her how much it hurts you,I would try that.let her know you appreciate the concern but that she should know it isn't easy,since her illness "helped" her lose weight so she did not have to rely on will power alone.kwim? Good luck and try talkin git out,if she is a good friend she will ahve no clue she was hurting you.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:57 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I agree that you should talk with her about it before it sours your friendship. Maybe even a letter or email if you are uncomfortable face to face. Also, remember to look for the good in can find it if you look hard enough...... Maybe losing weight has changed her life for the better and possibly she wants you to have the same experience because she is your friend?? Having said that, she should understand your health issues and leave it alone. All I am trying to say is that true friends are hard to find so if you feel your relationship is worth it then get it out in the open and move on.

    Answer by Muzzyto5 at 1:22 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I'm sorry. Let her know that her efforts to motivate you are just making you feel like crap. I been there and done that. {Hugs}

    Answer by shmorris56 at 1:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Try bringing it up when the two of you are at lunch. If she starts on you just shrug and say that you are happy, or working on it, and that "you know, you don't need to remind me, it makes me uncomfortable." Then smile and change the subject. If it comes up again, pause, smile, and change the subject. As your friend she should get the message.

    Answer by Bmat at 3:48 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Regardless of why she wants that for you, there is a time to let it go. She needs to accept that what worked for her is good for her. What is good for you needs to be your decision. She may still love you unconditionally, she just doesn't know when to quit. I would let her know how you feel. Give her an opportunity to be aware of how it is affecting your relationship. Different things come between friends and they natural go there seperate ways. This may be one of them.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 5:11 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Thank you ladies, that gives me the courage to talk to her. I thought about it but i was scared I might be making a mistake but if all of you think I should talk to her, i will and will let you know how she took it. It might take a week to get ahold of her, she lives in Green Bay, Wi. and I live in Gautier, ms.




    Answer by donnabuzybee at 8:20 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • You know I was about 200 pounds at one time and I wanted to lose weight because I was tierd of getting picked on by my family. I lost over 75 lbs. and still feel the same as I did when I was overweight except I eat more lol. If you ask a person about their weight and their fine with it then drop the subject. No one wants a friend that acts like a mom.

    Answer by JulieN17 at 6:17 PM on Jan. 12, 2009

  • it doesn't matter what others think of you. what matters is what YOU think of you. love yourself unconditionally. as people, we tend to project a lot of what we think of ourselves onto others. perhaps she was not happy with herself. perhaps she still isn't happy, but losing the weight has given her a sense of security, however false, and she feels safe in that. happiness isn't about how we look, or how much we weigh. being thin does not equal or guarantee happiness. happiness is about how we feel, and what we choose to do with that feeling. be strong. you're beautiful, no matter what.

    Answer by ChristinaJCook at 12:49 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

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