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I can't get my Ex to sign a custody agreement!

Our son is almost two now and we've never had a custody agreement set up. I've mentioned it to him in the past and he's always said he wouldn't sign anything. I didn't think it was a big deal at first. We've always worked together and had set days with our son. But on his last weekend with little man he told me I wasn't getting him back. It turned into a huge fight but in the end I did get him. Now I see how important a custody agreement is. I told him that I was going to get a lawyer (even though I really didn't want it to go that far) and take him to court for custody. But that didn't even phase him. He still says he isn't going to sign anything. I don't understand why. It would really just be protecting both of us so neither of us could keep our son from the other. Any suggestions on how to talk him into a custody agreement without going through the court systems?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You can file for custody since he wont sign and document how he threatened to keep your son from you. I wouldnt mess around with it. My ex fled with my son and I had missing and exploited children involved and everything. I was told without an order either parent can just leave and it isnt kidnapping. You can tell him unless he signs you are under no obligations to allow visits. Because you arent. Maybe thatll get him to sign if he wants to see his son.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:19 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I actually have told him that he isn't going to be able to take our son with him until he signs a custody agreement but he is welcome to come see him at any time. I always went back on my word though. In a way I felt like I was keeping him from seeing our boy so in the end I'd let him take him. Maybe I'll try it again and this time stick to my word!

    But if I do that and he still refuses to sign could I maybe use that against him if we have to go to court? Say that he was welcome to come see him anytime he wanted but never did and all he would of had to do in order to have him was sign an agreement and he always refused? Or would it look bad on my part because I was 'keeping our son from him'?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I'd go through the courts. If you can't afford a lawyer, go to you local legal aid office and get one. If you have any fear of him taking off with your child, this is the best idea. He won't be able to take off with him and you will be protected!! You don't have to not let him see his son, just let him know you want it done right so there is NO confusion. If he doesn't show up at court, you win. There's really not much he can do about it.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 1:31 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I don't think it would look bad on you because of him threatening to not let you have him back, but it's your word against his (unless someone heard him say it). I'd go to a lawyer ASAP and get the paper work going. You're not denying visits, you're only wanting to monitor them to make sure he doesn't refuse to give him back. He won't have to "sign anything" if he goes to court, the judge says what goes and it doesn't matter if you agree or not.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:31 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • bcuz he treatened you, i think you HAVE TO get that done ASAP.... jmo but that is really really scary. it is also bad for teh boy to see. get it done for your saanity and the safety of your child. Good Luck!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:54 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • If you live in Texas, you may have trouble getting legal aid to help...they turned me down twice, and my brother ended up getting me an attorney. They told me they don't do child custody issues here, but if you're not in this state, it could be different where you are. Either way, it's worth checking out.

    I agree with the need to get something in place ASAP. You have no guarantees he'd let you see your son if he had the child even though you're as good about it as you are. I had to learn the hard way that w/o the law on your side, the good ones finish last.

    Answer by rhope4 at 4:07 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • this is a shitty answer but keep his son from him until he agrees to sign the custody agreement and everytime he asks to see him say gee wouldnt a custody order be good for you right now, but you have to remember that if its not done through the court a signed peice of paper doesnt mean much, i mean when it comes down to it the police wont make him return the child without a court order, however if you were never married alot of states have laws that say the mom has custody unless other wise stated by a court and you just need to look in to it in your state

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:20 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • btw not so much i think my answer is shitty i mean its shitty to have to take it that far but if he is forcing you too

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:21 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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