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My two year old's personality is concerning me. He is either hot or cold. When he's hot nothing works; reasoning, timeouts, spankings, etc. He is 100% headstrong. Any advice?

My 2 year old's behavior is concerning me. He doesn't listen to authority. He throws temper tantrums. Today he was so tired but he would not take a nap so he screamed for 1.5 hours in his crib so I could get chores done. I even rocked him and he was out but when I laid him down he got really upset that things weren't going his way anymore :) He screams at the top of his lungs whenever he doesn't get his way. I had people running out of the mall stores to see what was wrong he was screaming so loud becuase I had restrained him in his stroller. He is very headstrong and I don't know how to handle him. Any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • OMG someone finally gets my son he once screamed for 1.5 hrs b/c his PBJ was "upside down"! Ok well my ds is 15 years old now but you just defined him 13 years ago. I will tell you choose your battles, when it comes to safety, like the buckling in the stroller, don't budge, but when it comes to little things let him have a choice, once I did that things got alot easier. Really it sounds like you are doing the right thing, let him scream it out, but remember to breathe . And feel free to message me if you want some one to talk to.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:41 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Toddlers are trying to find their place in the world and their boundaries w/o alot of verbal skills. Just saw a video called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", by Harvey Karp, M.D. He has good ideas to calm your DS. Just verifying the author on Google, I found that there is a group here on CafeMom who discuss his strategies.

    I'm glad you asked the question, I didn't know about the group myself. Good luck!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:25 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • More checking....seems that this group hasn't been on in a while, but check out the book or video, it really could give you back your sanity, and your DS too. He talks about mimicking (sp?) your child's emotion and saying 2-3 word phrases over & over so that he gets that you get what is upsetting him. Once he's calm then repeat it again, and then go on. Also, once a child gets wound up, they haven't learned to calm themselves which is why it can go on for over an hour. Maybe instead of trying to force the nap at that point to get chores done, put him in a playpen with some toys and a cartoon, talk to him from wherever you are, "I'll be right, back" & I know that overtired business is hard to deal with, but maybe you can put him to bed a little earlier that night and catch up naps the next day. Hope this helps!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:47 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • If you have never had a child that did this, it is very stressful. You just want to hide! We have twins that do this. They are 4 now and still do it. It only gets harder! We got a referral to a Speciallist. We went to a ADHD doctor and found that they have insomnia and ADHD. Maybe even Bi-polar disorder. Get your child evaluated. The twins are on two different kinds of meds that change often until they find the right one. They have had some that made them cry more, some that made them groggy and some that helped some, but not much. We carry them back next week to change it again. Chemistry changes in them makes the meds stop working. This is where a loving understanding mother comes in. You will have to deal with this the rest of your life if this is what your child has. Get a video to show the doctor so he knows what degree he is dealing with, because they won't just take your word at first. They will say he is too young.

    Answer by coke2pep at 11:27 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • All my answer would not fit in one box. I just wanted to say that I hope you just have a stubbon child and punishment will help. If it is this then, no punishment will. Hold them close and whisper to calm down in his ear untill he gets calm. They can hurt themselves or someone else during this time of tantrum fits. Ours flop all over the place and throw things. Make your place safe and be understanding that they can't help it. They still get punished, but after they understand why! Good luck and God Bless you honey! I know what you are going through. We have two others that try to do it, but away from the twins they are fine. It is really hard to deal with. If you need a friend to talk to you can pm me.

    Answer by coke2pep at 11:33 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

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