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6 month old = drama

I don't know what to do... I'm getting so close to leaving my hubby because of the way he feels about our daughter. He has a lot of resentment towards her because she seems to require so much attention. She will lay on the floor and cry until it seems like she's hyperventilating... there will be tears coming from everywhere and snot like crazy. then he second she is picked up she's ok. He wants me to just leave her alone and let her cry like that but I can't.He calls her a cry baby and tells her it's her fault that I'm mad at him... What do I do??????????????I don't want to leave him but I don't want him treating her like this any more either

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my.pride.joy

Asked by my.pride.joy at 6:16 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (11)
  • He should have realized that babies cry when you got pregnant. My son does that. He'll cry cry cry until he gets picked up. It drives me crazy too, don't think it doesn't. BUT thats a baby for you. He needs to stop blaming an innocent child on your relationship. IMO, its just plain wrong.
    LaurenKaye29

    Answer by LaurenKaye29 at 6:18 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • That's really not good. I would go stay with your parents or a friend for a bit if you need to. Try talking to him first, and don't talk in anger use love. Find time at least once a week to give him your full attention. Yes babies are like that, but you also need to keep your relationship with your husband alive.
    avpriddis

    Answer by avpriddis at 6:24 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • I have twins, so when one starts the other one usually joins in and it becomes escalated pretty quickly. There was a time when it really hurt my feelings when my husband told me NOT to pick up my babies, but I finally realized what we needed to do was somewhere in between my instinct to pick them up and baby them and his instinct to make them tough it out. Now I try to get in the floor with them and try to refocus their attention; I don't give in and pick them up, but I don't let things get out of control either (my husband is now on board with this and even tries to help). It's not a perfect solution, but it seems better than before. When it starts getting too dramatic, I sometimes send my husband to the store to pick up something while I get everyone calmed back down. He's not resentful of the babies, but I can tell he's not dealing with it very well.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 6:40 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • That feeling that you get in your gut that you HAVE to pick up your crying baby is right! Listen to your mothering instinct.


    From http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/dec/13/parenting-baby-sleep-routine


    "fussing and crying... are signs of distress...innumerable other studies suggest that such distress often presages emotional insecurity, hyperactivity and conduct disorders in later childhood."


    Crying increases the levels of cortisol in baby's brain. "...constant stimulation by cortisol in infancy causes physical changes in the brain. "It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness"

    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 6:55 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Can you and your dh get some counseling together???
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with your daughter, and everything wrong with your husband.

    First, I'd take him to therapy. If that doesn't work, I'd leave him. This is an example of "who do you put first, your child or your husband?" If you put your husband first in this case, well then you're probably going to severely screw up your child. Not only is CIO terrible for a baby, but for her to be emotionally and verbally abused the way she is..... *Shakes head* All I'll say on that matter is _I_ would certainly never allow ANYONE, let alone my children's father, treat my children like that.
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 8:08 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • BTW- It is not INSTINCT to leave a baby to CIO, it is selfishness.
    The crying of babies was not designed to soothe ANYbody, not even men. Any man who wants his children to cry obviously gets a power boost out of hearing them suffer. What does he think you're going to do? Give him a blow job while the kids are crying? Or is he worried about his precious dinner taking 10 minutes longer? Or *GASP* possibly having to help out with either the chores or the children?
    No, when your baby cries, soothe it. There is time for the relationship. There is nothing about having children that comes between a couple- if you show love and appreciation through kisses, tender words,
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 8:11 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • and watching the other be a wonderful parent, then there is more than enough passion to go around once the children are asleep. It is perfectly easy to be bouncing your child on your hip and still blow your husband a kiss, or even walk over to him and give him one. Nothing makes the family stronger than ALL of you showing your love to each other ALL the time.

    And I don't know about other men, but my husband has learned that the more he interacts with our children, the more work I do in bed later. For some reason, the two things just seem to go hand in hand! Imagine that!
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 8:14 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Your husband needs to be educated on the cognivity of children at different ages. A six month old is not capable of manipulation but would be very sensitive to verbal abuse which is what your husband is doing. I would reccomend family counseling and having a sitter watch teh baby at least once a week while you two spend soem much needed one on one time
    humaniterian87

    Answer by humaniterian87 at 8:19 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • omg my daughters dad is the smae way. we are not together but fo rohter reasons. so when i was stil on maternity leave he would make me come to his house and visit. i would want to watch her sleep cuz i loved her so much and he would force me to leave the room and hang out with him. or she would cry and he would call at the smae time and i would tell him i had to go bc she needed me and he said why do u always leave me. i sugest u talk to him and if he's not working wit u, u should sepaerate. u can be together just away. no child should have to be in such an enviornment and it took me 4 months to realieze she does not need to have a dad like that. im so sorry for u.
    SummerMom072208

    Answer by SummerMom072208 at 9:04 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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