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is there help for constant bickering?

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mom2-3Boys05

Asked by mom2-3Boys05 at 7:27 PM on Jan. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • we all wish there was havent found anything worth writing home about
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Holy cow......if you find out the answer to this.....I would make sure to put a copywrite on it and sale it!!!
    kscmbz

    Answer by kscmbz at 7:35 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Sure there is. I know plenty of families that do not have constant bickering. That doesn't mean the occasional break through spat does not happen, but overall peace can be found. It takes work. That is why peace and harmony isn't achieved in every house. That doesn't mean parents who have children who are always going at it are lazy or bad parents. What that means is we only have so much energy in the day. One method is the peace table method that actually teaches them to work it out. You need to supervise this at first but then they later will be able to do this themselves. And that is the goal: to teach them conflict resolution. So here is just one method that I have found success with: cont...

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:06 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont...First sit them down at the table. Have a real non judgmental talk. Explain that you are not blaming anyone but you want a house that there is peace in. So that they are safe, you are not annoyed by their arguing, and in general - life is easier for everyone. Ask if they have any ideas. Then talk about them. Then when the next big argument springs up you remind them of your conversation about wanting peace. This is when you get a whistle (and I'm really not kidding, get a real whistle - nothing says halt better than a loud one) and BLOW. It will surprise them and they will think you are crazy. So crazy that they will listen. And possibly giggle. That is okay too. Tell them to gather every darned pillow in the house and put it in the living room floor. cont...

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:10 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont...Next act like a drill Sargent, but a fun one. Be funny. "MOVE IT, MOVE IT, I SAID MOVE IT! YOU MARCH FASTER!" You get the point. Do be a little silly. Then after all the pillows are gathered have them sit with you on the pile of pillows. Here comes the peace talks. Introduce the talking stick. Whoever has the stick is the only person who talks. Tell them what you saw and heard, be factual, about the spat that just occurred. By gathering the pillows they have had some time to cool down. Place the stick in the middle and remind them only the person who picks up the stick talks. Then one picks it up and begins. No interruptions. Encourage facts only. Be gentle but firm. Like a tribal chief. cont...

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:14 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont...Example situation: Big brother playing with legos is making a cool building and little brother smashes it to kingdom come. Big brother yells and hits little brother. Bickering commences. You do your whistle thing and blah, blah, blah. Little guy says big one hit him. Big brother says he knocked over his Legos. So when you keep gently digging you find out little guy just wants to play with big brother. What is the solution? Well that is for them to work out and no one leaves the peace circle until a solution is had. Eventually you do not need to be the Chief and they can do it themselves. Oh, you don't need all the pillows each time. But giving them some sort of cool down errand before they come to the table helps. This teaches that whether they get pillows or just walk away - time helps a little. Good to know as an adult too.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:18 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • cont..So teach them the skills, stick with it. It does take a lot of time. But eventually it will save you time because as they grow they skip all the steps and get down to the business. And you can teach them it is okay to even disagree and move on - to find a solution without agreeing on who was right and who was wrong. So you don't always have to be the one to play judge and jury. You know how that goes - each child wants you to side with them and so your the bad mommy to some poor kid. Don't be stuck there. Find a technique that teaches the skills you want them to have but will also save your sanity. They are out there.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:20 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • Earplugs?! LOL
    dle4125

    Answer by dle4125 at 8:21 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • dle4125 stole my answer! :(
    i was going to say the same thing!
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 10:13 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

  • That's what the crawl space in the basement is for.. lock 'em up! O.k, just kidding. Actually I used to do what I called Intensive Love Therapy. If the kids were bickering I would take them one at a time (or sometimes together) and bear hug them and snuggle and tickle them. Then I would say it's time to say sorry and get along. It was meant to be silly, but it also worked. I did it on a whim one day and have used it ever since. ^_^
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 11:17 PM on Jan. 10, 2009

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