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3 Bumps

Depressed, stressed. Can't eat, sleep, having a really rough time...

I know this will probably be long and miserable to read. Please tell me I'm not alone!!

I'm a sahm. I shower every other day, sometimes on the 3rd day, and only shave my legs a couple times a month. I skip breakfast, some days lunch too, scrimp on dinner. I sit in the dark, with shades closed. I have spent hours caulking corners in my home, sealing off the air vents.

Now, let me tell you why. I feel like I shouldn't use so much water. I don't want to waste razors. I want to make breakfast foods and lunch foods stretch as far as I can. If I eat too much dinner, dh won't have much for lunch the next day. I don't want to burn electricity, and I keep my house warm with space heaters. It is dangerous, I am fully aware. My 2yo ds has one pair of shoes, my 1yo none that fit. I have sold everything I can afford to, enrolled in school to start in January 40mi away. I am taking out a student loan to pay for my children's daycare the days I am in school. All in the name of saving money.

I picked up a raincoat, two pair of insulated jeans and a snap-up work shirt for dh, and a coat and vest for myself because we desperately needed them. I spent $200, and now I don't have money to buy propane. My phone gets shut off every month, where I get $30 reconnect fees tacked on every month because dh gets paid 3 days after the bill comes due.

I feel like I'm shoving my head in the dirt! I'm breaking down, falling apart, because we can't live on $1600/mo! We've been here a year, our rent is part of dh's salary and we STILL can't afford it. I can't even afford to go to work, because daycare alone is $20/day per kid, and we have two! For an 8-hr day, that's $5/hr just for childcare! Then taxes, so just to break even, I'd have to make at least minimum wage, and because I haven't finished college, opportunity to make more than min wage is minimal!

I'm so down in the dumps. It has come down to buying food, or heating the house. Fixing the heater in the car, or giving my children a Christmas.

And before you go wondering where my dh is in all this, he works sun up to sun down, 7 days a week for a man who can buy his wife a new car every time season changes but can't pay to have movers switch furniture between his two houses, so he has dh do it. Dh is paid salary, nearly 1/3 what he would make if this same boss paid him by the hour. I'm just fed up. I'm confused, and I feel completely inferior, completely irresponsible, and I feel so small because my attempts to help backfire. I bought stuff to make and sell crafts, but don't have enough to invest to have a full variety. I can't get these things to sell, and when I do, and want them sold on eBay, between fees and not being able to set up paypal with my prepaid debit card and people won't otherwise send payment."Why no bank acct?" Well, hmm. May have something to do with mil taking loans in dh's name, and we have over $11,000 worth of money that is listed we owe to other banks, overdrafts, fees, etc, because of mil, on checksystems.

Dh just got a massive bonus on 12/6. It's gone. Between work on my car, groceries and that $200 I spent, we're broke. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I can't eat. I can't sleep, and I'm so stressed I don't even want to be in the same room as my kids.

Please help!!!

Answer Question

Asked by matobe at 5:59 PM on Dec. 13, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Blah. That should be anon. I'm not even motivated enough to fix it.

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 6:00 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • Deep breaths, I know it is hard. I am that same mother crying about money problems, and honestly if DH weren't in the military and we didn't stay in this house for nothing and not pay for our healthcare we would be homeless and not have anything we could do about it. I know times are tough, but it will get better with time (that is what I keep tellling myself). I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Answer by AF4life at 6:05 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • I think everyone goes through something like this at some point. This is how we grow, one day you will be able to understand another in your situation and help them out. Money problems suck. I am so sorry your going through this but it seems like you have a good man that will work your family out of this hole. Post your crafts on craigslist, its free and people will come pick it up and pay you in cash. Go to a foodbank at a local church for some temporary help....  Use your kids for comfort, sometimes one of their smiles will turn the worst day around.

    Good luck :0)


    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:06 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • Awe honey. Don't be embarrassed & feel like you have to go anon!

    One thing I can suggest that will at least free up the $30 you're spending on reconnect fees is to call them and ask to have your due date changed.

    We went through this when we were in college and broke as shit, but try not to think of it as a dark time in your life, but more as doing what you need to do to take care of your family. When we just starting out, we blocked off all but the living room during the day, and the bedroom at night by hanging comforters over the doorway and only heating that small space. I would reconsider skipping the breakfast and lunch, because for me, those are cheaper...homemade oatmeal or pancakes or even a couple eggs are way cheaper than dinner. When you're through with school, things will get easier for you all financially. And is your husband making at least min wage for his hours? If not, it is illegal, even if salaried.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:36 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • Sorry you are going through this! Have you gone to any churches for help with clothing and food? What about welfare? That's what it's for. Is there any way your dh can find a better paying job? Could he talk to his boss and tell him that it's not working out on what he is making? Could you take in a few kids to babysit during the day and charge $15-20 a day? That would help a lot, that's what I did when I first quit my job to stay at home. Prayers and hugs mama. Keep your chin up!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • Blessings, I hope your DH can find a new job.

    Answer by GirlWithANikon at 11:27 PM on Dec. 13, 2011

  • I do career and job search coaching. I may have some ideas to help your spouse find a new job, or to help you find a job

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:21 AM on Dec. 14, 2011

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