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Hello, I am trying to adopt my step-daughter. I have been in her life for over five years and she considers me her "real mom". Her BM abandonded her 8 years ago with no contact at all. Not even a birthday card. She now wants to see the child again. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Thanks for any help.

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mom24xoxo

Asked by mom24xoxo at 9:51 AM on Jul. 17, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (4)
  • Sent you a message.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 11:28 AM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know what the law is in your state, but abandonment in my state (which is grounds for termination of parental rights) is defined as EITHER no contact for one year OR no financial support of the child for one year.

    In my state, if EITHER of those is true, there is grounds for the court to terminate rights, but they will look at the situation as a whole.

    If she, after 8 years is now seeking contact, then the "1 year clock" has started over on that element. However, until she sends support, the court **may** still consider the child abandoned.

    Good luck. namaste.
    lawmom623

    Answer by lawmom623 at 6:21 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

  • I've lived what you are. It wasn't 5 years that my SS's BM was out of the picture, but it was at least a year. IMPO, I think that she needs to prove she is serious. This, of course, is if you and hubby think she deserves and has the right to see this little girl. She needs to prove she's not just going to flake out again. What I would do is say, ok be here at my house at say 1pm on Saturday. We will all go to the park together for one hour. No one tells the little girl that this is her real mom (unless she already knows) and keep up this saturday park thing for a good month or two so that she can prove she really wants to be a stable part of you SD's life. If she really does care and wants to prove that, then she will do whatever you and your hubby ask of her.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 5:08 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Can I just start off by saying my sister is nuts really! Her poor children had to endure a lifetime of in and out by their birth mom, not to say I really like their stepmom or their dad for that matter butthey never let the youngest one down. She is now 21 with a child of her own. The middle child, a boy that lived most of his life with her, died of an over dose before his 21st birthday. The oldest is now 25 lives as far away from her dad as she can. Get in this girls life and stay asumming her father and you will do it together. I always think that a mom that is in and out of her childs life has no idea what harm they are causing there for they must not be a fit parent. I have my own nieces and nephews to prove it. Does the B mom have any family that has tried to keep contact? If so whats their take on it? If it is drugs demand a test, your childs life may depend on it. Good Luck
    Zippie

    Answer by Zippie at 8:48 AM on Jul. 29, 2008

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