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how hard is it to hide?

i don't want my child's bio-dad in her life. i've tried and been patient. but this is it. he's no good for my baby. he will never help. he can only harm. he doesn't deserve my child. i won't go into detail. don't ask. he thinks that his sperm reaching my egg gives him claim over my baby, but he doesn't care to take responsibility or give proper care. he won't let me leave. i can now get away. but for how long? if i stay in state, how hard will it be to avoid him? how likely is he to find me? how could he? what can i do? i can't afford court and will not risk him getting unsupervised visits. so spare me that. i don't care to hear "it's his baby, you can't do that" either. this is directed to those who can help. no one else.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Jan. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (20)
  • I would look into the laws about leaving...I dont think it is illegal, but check to make sure.
    I would honestly go as far as you have to while still following the law, if he isn't good for your baby...well it is your job to keep the baby wishes and good luck!!!

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:23 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You don't want to listen to the TRUTH of what you can't do which is the problem. You only want to hear the answers that you want to hear. When you have a child with someone and are not married, you BOTH have equal rights and he can take that baby and there's nothing that you can do. Truth is you can't do whatever you want. Court costs no money if you don't make enough money. You simply go down to the law library at the courthouse and ask for a packet of the papers you need to get custody. You then ask the clerk wha tforms you need to fill out to waive the filing fee. Actually keeping the child away from him is grounds for him getting's called parent alienation and it's not good in the court's eyes. Without knowing details no one can tell you your chances of getting his rights terminated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • First of all, his sperm reaching your egg does give him claim to the child. I know. I have been there too. You need to get involved with social services and see what they can do to help. I know that in MN, we have "legal aid" which provides free or reduced charges for stuff like this. They paid for my divorce, otherwise I would still be married to that idiot. Also know, that if you sever his parental rights, you will not be able to receive child support from him. If you move and get a restraining order, he will get your address because he has to know where he is not allowed to be. Go to Human Services or to a shelter or women's advocacy center and see what help you can get. It is a pain, I know, but it is worth every minute if it means that you and your child will be safe. Good luck.

    Answer by peppermintmocha at 12:31 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • This is a tricky situation like the above poster you have to be careful what you do because it can backfire on you. I understand where you're coming from and that you have your childs best interest at heart, unfortunately the court won't care about that and it will look badly on you. A lot of counties offer assistance for low income families with custody issues it can't hurt to look into that. If both yours and his names are on the birth certificate he legally has rights over the child. If he doesn't you can relocate and he has to file to obtain rights to the child.

    Answer by bubblycute at 12:31 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Look up the laws hun, I have the only way he would have rights to your child is if he came up with the money to take you to court and request for custody or visitation. Thats likely not to happen. If you didn't put his name on the Birth Certificate or he didn't sign any papers at your childs birth putting his name on the birth certificate. Even if his name IS on the birth certificate if visitation wasn't determined through a divorce then he STILL has to take you to court for visitation if you have any questions PM me

    Answer by trevsrockinmom at 12:50 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You may want to start reading up on the laws in your area. You didn't specify whether you were married or not, but if you are, you can't just leave. You might not be able to leave if he is on the birth certificate. There are some states that prohibit either parent from leaving the state with a child and they call that custodial interference. In your attempt to keep your child from the father, you may be risking your own custody if you do not follow the laws of your be informed before you do anything!

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 1:00 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • You need to look into the laws in your state. I know here if the parents were never married even if sperm donors name is on the BC mother still has sole custody until sperm donor files for visitation/custody, but its not like that in every state. Its a tough decision like pp said IF he does decide to file for visitation taking the kid and leaving makes you look bad to the courts even though you were looking after her best interests. Getting a restraining order is a bad idea because that will give him your adress (ironic huh?). A lot of family law offices have websites that allow you to email general questions, the ones here are pretty quick about answering them if you have questions about laws in your state. Good luck!

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:01 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • Look into the laws and if there is abuse and you can prove it and he gets his rights snatched or you obtain permission to leave the state you run like Hell. You make a plan and make sure each person involved only knows one step of your plan so if he does come looking he will never find you b/c no one will know the full story behind your disappearance. Good Luck:)

    Answer by micrespo at 1:11 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • The fact that you say "he won't let me leave" leaves me to wonder if there is abuse happening. If so, there are abuse hotlines you can and should call. They will assist you in protecting yourself and your child, as well as advising you in legal matters. Look in the phone book and CALL. Look, there's even a national hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

    If there is no abuse and this is more about person differences, then listen to the above posts.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 1:28 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

  • This is very helpful if you end up going to court the 10 tips. I'm pretty much in the same state you are with the father, im ready to run. but i dont want it to come back and bite me in the ass. funny how laws can do that when your trying to protect your child. Should have ran before hand i guess...

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 AM on Jan. 11, 2009

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